Why we persevere

I confess. This past Wednesday, I lost it.

I have really been struggling with my role in students' lives. One thing I've learned about myself over this past year is that I am much better meeting with students one-on-one than in a group. Even if that group is only 3 including me, I have to be so careful to make sure I'm giving enough attention to both students. It's the worst in my car. I've decided that it's next to impossible for me to have a serious conversation in my car with more than one person. I can't concentrate on the student in the back seat well, and drive at the same time.

What I'm aiming to say here is that youth ministry is hard because it is never just about one student. There are a lot of people to be thinking about, and I will never be able to talk with them all on a consistent basis.

I'm okay with part of this, because I believe in a God who has sent out many laborers. Jesus too, spent a majority of his time with 12 guys, not the masses (and 3 guys within that 12 did He really focus on). The hard work is not all on me, and I feel the need to reiterate that it's a) not about me any way and b) He doesn't need me, but still chooses to let me be apart of His work. To which I say both "Right on!" and "Wait.. do You know who You've picked here?"

What I'm not okay with is the part where I have to watch students fall. I'm not talking about the times when they just trip up a little bit, we put a spiritual band aid on them and all is well. It's more like crash and burn. Maybe even something like this (sorry, just had to throw that one in).

And right now, I feel like I'm witnessing a lot of crashes and their proceeding burns. What's worse is the fire is spreading and hurting a lot of innocent bystanders, to prolong the imagery longer than necessary.

To those of us who may believe that our sin only affects ourselves, let me just go ahead and dispell that myth. While the initial sinful act may be a selfish one, the sin affects the community, and in turn affects the world. In the final judgment, many believe that it will be you sitting/standing before Christ while all the sins of your lifetime are laid before you. The Jews believe, and I agree with them, that the judgment is based on how we did as a group--the city on a hill ("You" is plural in the Greek). It goes back to the church imagery in the letter to the Corinthians; if one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers. Just as if one does an act of kindness for another, and that person in turns feels more compelled to either return the favor or pay it forward, so too sin, in the opposite sense can pay itself forward.

The same night that I was feeling so hurt by students who are messing up their lives, I received an email from one apologizing for his/her sins. The person confessed, and recognized that he/she has brought a lot of students down too. "It was all really immature and selfish of me," he/she had written.

So what do I mean by having to watch students fall?

It's because part of me recognizes that I'm not their Savior. That's Jesus' work. I can give my two cents, or throw a book their way, but ultimately, they make the decisions. And that's not to say I don't pray, and believe in the power of intercession for these students (though more on that sometime, as that is what we discussed in GROW this morning). Perhaps though, the lesson is in the falling.

My problem with "accepting the fall" is knowing that there is a better way. Merge discussed this a little tonight. It's not that Christ can not redeem and reconcile us after we've committed a sin. It's not that He can't use our faults to help relate to others better that have also fallen, or been affected by the falling of others. But can you imagine what it would be like had we not sinned in the first place??

With marriage. One who has lost his/her virginity (and to the wrong one) before marriage has hope to be restored by Christ. I fully believe that. Nonetheless, how much more beautiful is the gift of purity for the wedding night!

We looked to 1 Timothy 4:11-16. Verse 12 has always stood out to me, but it means so much more read with the surrounding verses. I had never looked much at the phrase in verse 13, "devote yourselves to the public reading of Scripture." Again, it's pointing to not only our need to hide God's word in our heart, but to read Scripture together. To discuss and to wrestle with it, together! Later the verses say to be diligent, "so that everyone may see your progress." We are on display for all the world to see--that the world may in turn see Christ in us. And finally, certainly the most striking of all to me, "Persevere [in your life and your closely held doctrine], because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

As I read these verses again and again to myself, I was encouraged. We do all that we can in our own lives, not just for ourselves, but for the saving of others. It makes my life, and the standards I live by to be all the more important. Every moment matters. Every word we say (thinking of the students again), even if ignored, matters.

Merge held baptisms tonight for any and all who felt led. The pastor explained baptism as a sign, or a mark like a wedding ring, to remind us of our decision for salvation. But the baptism itself was not what saves us. And so, as the music played, I witnessed perhaps 50-75 baptisms of perfect strangers. I could not help but be overwhelmed with joy, knowing that for those 50-75 (and maybe more, I'm guestimating) people, at least a couple hundred were involved in that process. Again, I lost it, but in a happier sense.

I was reminded of how much this way of living is worth it. I may not see the end result in so many of these students' lives, I may not see the affect in perfect strangers' lives. But one thing I know, He is with me. I will continue to be imperfect, I myself will continue to fail. Even still, we should persevere all the more, together, for the saving of others.