Being Dr. Doolittle

The month of August has been significantly busy. I have house-sitted three houses, and basically I just wanted to take the time to introduce you to some of my new friends.

Here is Toni Hawk. AKA the spawn of Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail killer bunny. I've never heard a bunny growl before, and she was quite quick to attack any arm that may reach into the bunny cage. The other funny story is that the reason there is an "i" at the end is because originally, Toni was a Tony. It wasn't until they went to get the rabbit, ahem, fixed, that they realized it was a, ahem, girl. Say hello to Amy. The sweetest dog in the whole world who would cuddle with me each night, keeping my feet warm. :) And funny enough, I was never told the name of this cat, but it definitely makes it in the history books for never once trying to bite or scratch me. I think we have a winner.The house-sitting was funny because of the progression. The first house--one dog. The second--a rabbit and a dog. The final--two dogs (who needed a LOT of medicine) and two cats. I wonder if I'm the only one thinking spiritual multiplication here, and I am therefore definitely not going to accept the next house-sitting offer!!!

All in all, it was a lot of fun. Only slightly annoying to let out the dogs in the middle of the night... Still. $600. Can't complain.

From June 24, 2009 (short)

After a quick review of last night's pages, I must comment... or choose to comment on forgiveness and repentance. The forgiveness we give is in hopes of the person asking for forgiveness having a repentant heart. That's a confusing sentence.

Think of yourself alone. When you say you're sorry, do you mean it? How do you feel when you mess up in the same way again?

I've thought about the addicting sins, and how people do desire to tear away from them. The person comes back over and over with a heart for change. Only God can change you. The power of the Holy Spirit is all about this.

It doesn't stop how much it hurts others though.

The one forgiving has to cling to the hope they have in Christ. They have to believe that Jesus knew what He was doing when He forgave us first. "We love..."

Convenient

I have been convicted over and over again about my convenient relationship with Christ. I pray to Him when I need Him most. I get excited about Him when He's done something good for me.

And then I get angry when things don't go my way.

I was talking to Kendra this evening about the story of Elijah. There are a couple things I'd like to say about his story, but let me write about the one that relates to this now.

The story for now is of him running away from Jezebel. Note: Elijah ran into an old friend named Obadiah who was hiding 100 prophets of the Lord at the time. Note 2: Elijah just served about 500 prophets of Baal in a dancing contest. Just kidding. I was seeing if you were paying attention. But read here for the specifics on the truth. Continue: Elijah is running away for his life. He even has a little pouty moment that reminds me of Jonah chapter 4, where he asks God to take his life. He's done. And then Elijah ends up getting to meet God in a MIGHTY WIND! oh wait, not that. In an EARTHQUAKE!! nope. Not that way either. In a spectacular FIRE?!

False. In a gentle whisper.

Then Elijah says in I can only imagine a quiet whimper, "But I'm the only one left!" (remember note one)

Kendra and I realized that Elijah was very human. How comforting. A man of God who gets probably one of the coolest exits from this life known to man is so quick to forget his Maker. He's all good when he's dousing the altar in water, proving YAHWEH is Lord. He's confident with the widow and the eternal flour and oil jar. But when he gets to be alone, everything goes dark.

I spent a few moments in utter darkness before entering the Pace's home last evening. It reminded me of a faith crawl I had done in a natural cave in West Virginia a few summers ago. It's a scary place to be. It's sorta more convenient to rely on our own devices when we feel alone. It's less convenient to believe that God will make a way out for you when you don't see the exit sign.

I like what my friend Josh said in one of his podcasts. You always hear about the folks who give their tithe to the church and then suddenly get lots of return. They mention how they were nervous to give, but felt called to.. and then they win the lottery or something crazy.

And yet, he (and I) would love to hear the story of the person who gave despite not getting anything in return. The sheer faith in the advancement of God's kingdom was enough. And besides, the convenience of having money on this earth is so temporary.

I guess what I'm concluding is that I too am very human. I desire to trust God even when it's inconvenient in my life, on my time, etc. I just stink at it.

From June 23, 2009 (long)

I wrote this awhile back on paper, and as I'm preparing to move, I figured I would write it out so I could throw the paper away. Maybe I shouldn't do that, but I am. Good story.

Sometimes my mind just races, and I can't keep up with it. Welcome, then, to my feeble attempt to catch up with my head which is currently sporting a headache. (advil break?)

It started with a youtube video that documented a few motions during the Southern Baptist Convention this year. The first motion was a call to boycott--hmm I think there's only one"t" in that word, oh well--Pepsi because of its endorsement of homosexuality. Near the end of this segment was also a motion to ban Mark Driscoll books from being sold in any SBC affiliated church, as well as to ban him from being a speaker at any SBC affiliated seminary/college.

My friend commented that it is for comments/motions/whatever you want to call them such as these which will lead to the SBC's downfall within 20 years.

(snack break)

Crunch, crunch go the white cheddar Cheez-Its! And I am distracted by the prospect of getting a Captain James T. Kirk tee for $9.99 (says so on the cracker box).

Thought number one from the video was that I am thankful to not be working with the SBC. That is selfish, I confess, but remember I'm just trying to catch up with my mind. Crunch, crunch..

I want to be more concerned with grace and justice. Who said, "when in doubt, grace?" Probably a former pastor the SBC would also ban due to cursing during a sermon. (And confession two: I struggle with whether this is okay or not.. but more on that later)

You see, the video led to a wild goose chase for me. I wanted to find out what was determined from the now dubbed "Mark Driscoll" motion. Instead, I was led in two directions. One way brought me to a church in Texas and the other led me to John MacArthur.

The Texas church had been ousted by the SBC, according to an article from The Baptist Press, due to its affirming of the homosexual church members. A little further investigation led to a vote by this church on whether to include homosexual members' photos in the church directory.

Thoughts race again. If only you read what I've listed, I wonder if you would have the same questions as me. Should the alcoholics' pictures be included? Should the adulterers'? or how about.. The church had to vote about this??!!

Upon even further investigation it seems (I can not say for sure) that these members were not only coming to church but were active and even part of church council. It seems that the pastor at the time was also (possibly) saying that homosexual Christianity was possible and acceptable.

I found a blog post written by a church member that praised the pastor's beliefs; another commented on the post that the said church was the only place a homosexual Christian could feel comfortable.

A million thoughts!!! Attempt to stop just listing facts and to explain myself. Oh, how I would like to use a disclaimer!!

I do not believe "homosexual" and "Christian" can be compounded. The Bible is clear that homosexuality is wrong. It is described as unnatural (Romans 1:26-27). Then there is the case of the sexually immoral person who, having such an unnatural relationship with his father's wife that even pagans hadn't considered it, is exhorted by Paul to be handed over to Satan "so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 5:5). The passage continues to say, my paraphrase, that we should not fellowship with one who is sexually immoral. That is to say, we may hang out with those of the world who are immoral (hopefully in order that they may know Christ), but not with a brother or sister who is practicing such things. The list I refer to by saying "such things" also includes the greedy, idolators, slanderers, drunkards and swindlers, by the way. Do I even have time to talk about them? Hmm.. how does coupling "swindling" and "Christian" sound?

Inasmuch, I understand the SBC's concern with the church if indeed they are saying and encouraging homosexual Christianity to be acceptable. I do, however, also hope there are churches in Texas and the rest of the world that are willing to bring in and lovingly, gracefully lead a person to true repentance. Oh wait, only "God's kindness" can do that? I wish I really understood what rebuking within the church should look like, as that is a favorite among us with great logs impeding our vision.

To think it started from a youtube video. Which, after a phone conversation with my dad, I've already decided to share. Oh the places he may go with it! So, where was I?

You see, I also get taken aback at the second part of 1 Corinthians 5:5 which says, "[so that] his spirit [may be] saved on the day of the Lord." Is this expressing that there is hope for the sexually immoral? Is this going back to that thing about grace?

I have often wondered whether we could, as a church, embrace each others' sins differently. I still don't know how that is possible as there are slim to none when it comes to examples of how this works. But arent we missing the point when we refuse to forgive even a murderer when it was our own sin that murdered Christ? The story of the unmerciful servant comes soon after we are told to forgive 70 times 7. To forgive our brother, or fellow believer, no less. Yes, we are given a prescription of dealing with disagreements between brothers just before these two passages, and that if "he refuses to listen.. treat him as a tax collector or pagan" (Matthew 18:17).

So I ask, how did Jesus treat the tax collector Matthew, the very writer of the book in which we read these stories? Or the tax collector Zaccheus?

Grace. It's ridiculously inclusive (also not my words).

And then comes John MacArthur. I've already sighed knowing this part will be very hard to tackle. This comes in effort to further understand the SBC's approach to Mark Driscoll.

First came an article explaining their distaste for his speech, as he sometimes uses vulgar language. He was also asked to not come back for the second part of a radio interview--the first part of that interview was not put on the air either because the interviewer knew of Driscoll's "vulgarity." Apparently the radio guy didn't realize that Driscoll was coming to the show beforehand, or else, well I'm not sure what else. The article explaining all of this did mention that Driscoll had not used "vulgar" language during this interview.

The article had Bible quotes referring to Ephesians 4:29 and James 3:1 in boxes to the left and right of the article.

My stance on cursing is for myself. I don't do it. But, confession three, that is not to say I haven't thought them. I do look to the Ephesians 4:29 verse as a challenge to have my words "build others up according to their needs." And the James verses are also convicting, since I have hopes of being/continuing to be a teacher.

I have also been [rightly (amen)] called out on my sarcasm that has discouraged others to the point of putting up barriers hindering communication. Meaning, I'm not a very good example, even if in my heart I want to be.

Then there are other believers who curse. Many of them include dear friends and family. I love them. Sometimes I wince when I hear them say such words, mostly because they don't sound right. I don't believe them to be an outright sin though. Maybe it's because I don't fully comprehend what counts as "unwholesome speech." I mean, I feel like Paul had even used what could be considered bad words in his writings. Though, I also suppose we are striving to be more like Christ, not Paul.

And the "vulgarity" of Mark Driscoll extends past your basic curse words. What is meant by "vulgarity" is addressed expllicit talk about sex, particularly during a sermon series on the Songs of Solomon called "The Peasant Princess."

So we are back to this topic of sex.

MacArthur seems to be addressing that Songs of Solomon isn't as explicitly about body parts as Driscoll had taught. I say it this way on purpose. One of the comments from a male about Driscoll's series was that he had to turn it off because it was causing him to think bad thoughts. So now I am trying to be careful with how I phrase things, wanting to be sensitive to what may cause my brother to stumble.

The argument that came up amongst the comments for the MacArthur article was deciphering what Songs of Solomon is really talking about. I will stick to this verse, "Do not awaken love before it so desires" (SOS 2:7).

I'm a firm believer that good sex only happens between a married, believing couple. The hope is for Christ-like submission on both sides, which disqualifies all married non-believers. Sad, but true.

Also, I think it is possible for Songs of Solomon to be explicit in nature, although I could not say for sure. My study of SOS is, funny enough, limited to Driscoll's sermons. What can I say? His explanations are compelling.

Someone argued that it is fine to talk about R-rated material, just not during a church service where every age can hear.

Someone argued, reinforcing a lot what MacArthur wrote, that SOS is not explicit, and that the Bible is like K-Love. "Safe for the whole family."

I've sort of lumped these two together because they both took MacArthur's side for the most part, but still are against each other.

The Bible is full of R-rated material. Not just sex, but moments of brutal deaths (thinking of Absalom, or perhaps the Shechemites) as well. Neither of which I would want to teach little children; I would want to wait for a more mature audience.

Which leads to the not-on-Sunday option. Then when? I am afraid the ones who need to hear the messages of what a good marriage looks like, or the story of Christ's brutal death, most, are only coming on Sundays. If they come at all..

Driscoll's audience is the unchurched, 20s-30s crowd who probably (confession four as I am assuming here) aren't coming during the week. I feel like I just repeated myself, but I wanted to be clear.

And then I wondered if there would be another convention voting to take Songs of Solomon out of Scripture completely.

I thought of the person who would argue using Revelation 22:18-19, even though I would say the verse was referring specifically to the single book of prophecy, Revelation.

Often came the question of relevance. Is Driscoll talking about the risque (within the context of marriage that is) in order to be culturally relevant? Is cultural relevance a bad thing?

I need to sleep.

Impulses

I have had many moments in my life where I feel this strange tug. It's almost as though someone is whispering to me, "Go."

To be less vague, moments like these include say.. talking with a perfect stranger who works at a wig kiosk in the mall; studying Hindi for a year; stopping the car to see if a girl on the side of the road (she appears to be crying) is okay--it's 10pm; praying over a perfect stranger; cranking up "Dare You To Move" on the way home from Copper Mountain.

Okay, I'm kidding about that last one, but I did want to make note of it because last night was amazing. It's worth mentioning. Some ole college friends of mine were in the area this past week and I was finally able to visit them. They are each going for another year of missionary-type ministry: two to Berlin, one to Central Asia. They were staying in Copper because of a conference held by their "company" which included at least a hundred other post-college students preparing to go out all over the world to share the good news.

I felt like I was in the presence of greatness. And I'm not just saying that because when I got there I had the opportunity to share dinner with the current president of that company, but also because I knew I was in the midst of folks willing to give up their lives and time to simply be used by the Lord in a place where they might be very uncomfortable. (I apologize for the length of that sentence)

As one of my friends put it, "Hey, I have no girlfriend, I have no wife, I might as well." I internally chuckled at the way he phrased this statement.

And yes, it is a lot easier to "Go" when there's nothing holding you back. In my own life, I know there are other things, outside of relationships, that seem to be a barrier. 'I can't be late for work,' I think. Or, 'Someone else will do it.'

The reality however, is that it is up to me.

No. The God of the universe does not need me. And let me clarify that I am speaking in terms of everyday ministry too, not just overseas stuff. It's just these impulses that I'm talking about.. I don't know for sure if they hit other people the way they hit me. It's like I get this unbearable sense of guilt if I don't go. Does this make sense? And they happen in the regular moments of life--on a bus, in a train, at my (other) job, in the rain. (No seriously, I once had this impulse to pick up the notorious Mormon boys who were riding their bikes in the pouring rain a couple weeks ago.)

The rest of the evening with the missionaries in Copper was one of commissioning. We got a chance to pray over the hundreds of people as they prepared to leave, some the very next day to their location abroad. It was beautiful because prayers were offered in the languages of the places they were headed--English (don't forget the UK, South Africa and Australia!), Japanese, Russian, Spanish, Italian and Arabic. I was surprised to somewhat understand the Italian prayer actually. Hmm..

We continued in worship, singing one of my favorite songs of the moment, "Come thou fount," as well as "In Christ alone." And it was in the midst of all of the commissioning for others, that I knew I was ready to go myself. Wherever, whenever.

I think these impulses are evidence of the Holy Spirit inside of us saying, "I've got something to show you. It's exciting. It probably doesn't make sense to you. It probably will even look weird to others. Nevertheless.. Go."

Thus, how appropriate that the first song to play after leaving all this (after a 2 hour+ conversation with Katie about all the Lord has done in this past year) was none other than Switchfoot's "Dare You to Move." The impulse to crank that should never be ignored!

A verse I like

"Although he did not remove the high places, Asa's heart was fully committed to the LORD all his life."

Simply the facts

As I landed in California, the man behind me was holding his three- or four-year old son. He said, "Why is it that you are so kind?" The son replied, "Because.. um.. because I love you."

I still hate California highways. and gas prices.

The part that gets me most at weddings is when the father gives away his daughter.
I did not, say it again, did not, trip in my heels the entire night!

The groomsmen I was paired with had the coolest stache (hehe):

At the end of the evening three beautiful things happened.

1. I was told by Allyson's mom that I was the reason Ally stayed in California (saying, "I saved her" but I don't really know what that means). She said that I had every reason to hang that over Matt's head. haha.
2. During the dollar dance, Matt told me that I was the "infamous Sharayah." I then proceeded to tell him what Gail had told me.
3. Luigi and Mary pulled me aside to say thanks for coming. Then they asked if they could adopt me: partially in view of having "lost" Allyson, partially in view of my parents moving. They said they realized that I probably had about 8 adopted parents, but they would love to get on that bandwagon. I smiled.

I really enjoy helping others out. Whether that be grabbing breakfast for the bride to be, or scaling a wall with the aid of a shopping cart whence locked out of the apartment , or even by just being a listening ear. I am not always the best at it, but I want to be.
The evening ended with me cradling the ring bearer (featured at the beginning of this sequence) to sleep.

Garmin taught me.. recalculating.. showed me that it takes 4.. recalculating.. 3 people for it to work correctly.

I was privileged to give the toast. Allyson said, "Thank you for crying." haha

The bouquet almost hit me in the face.

A fellow groomsmen and I discussed the possibility (though not between each other) of an Adam and Eve themed wedding. We laughed at the thought of a parade of animals walking down the aisle while the groom would point to, say, the turtle and say, "No, you are not suitable!" To the tiger, "You are flippin cool, but you will never do." To the bride (attire was not completely discussed here), "I have found my helper!!!"

Logorrhea is a lovely word.

My favorite other bridesmaid Amethyst and I both did not get manicures or pedicures. The rest of that day was spent hearing interesting justifications as to why spending 25 dollars for such a thing was worth it. One of the gals had even told us that because of their thickness, such nails could be used as flathead screwdrivers if necessary. We laughed at that.

Allyson ties with Liz for being the most beautiful bride I've ever seen in person. (as I said, simply the facts)

"Just a kid who knows she's needy"

I was playing the Wii fit the other night, and I was able to complete the tight rope walk. It's a weird concept, and my character often found herself shaking incredibly, pigtails waving. And yet, ladies and gents, I did make it across!

I've thought a lot about balancing. For instance, how will I ever balance two jobs when one of my jobs doesn't even have a boss for me (technically)? Or how do I balance time with students and time with folks my age? Time in Colorado and time in Texas (soon to be across the ocean)?

How do I balance my understanding of a God who isn't based on karma, yet does have rewards for us? How do I truly understand joy to not be based on circumstances? How do I balance my preconceived notions and experiences with what the Bible is really saying, plain and simple, in it's own historical/literal context?

My biggest thing, and maybe this isn't so much a balance question.. is how are we to believe that God is with us?- that He is good?- at all times? It perhaps goes back to the circumstances issue. I know that in the Bible our Father reminds us time and again that He is with us.

Life may be a pit of despair, but I AM with you. (Goes back to Louie Giglio's "Be still" concept--oh! how I get goosebumps just thinking about it.)

But then we must go deeper than that. Not only are we to believe this to be true, that God is Immanuel at all times and He is good (not tame, but good ;), but as Switchfoot writes,

"Let that be enough."

Ay, there's the rub.

I was talking with a friend this week about being in relationships. It's like we hold all these eggs--our often messy history and our fragile identity--that we know we want to share with someone. We maybe find ourselves in that place, and start to hand them one of our eggs. He mishandles it. All we can do is move on.

But what gets difficult is when we love with reckless abandon, and it shows little to no reciprocation. God wants us to love the way He loves us, so shall we let that be enough yet again? Shall we care for people, even evil people (like people who want to kill us. Yeah, might've watched Red Eye and actually pondered this as he was ready to slash the girl to pieces) even if there is only hurt in return?

Do we come to the place where maybe there is no one to share our eggs with, and say, "But with You, Father, that is enough"? Answer: yes.

Cover up

I don't know.. perhaps just a few hours of not knowing quite what to do at the house I'm sitting for.. but I've realized through youtube how much I enjoy covers of songs. Specifically:

1. Hey ya by Obadiah Parker

2. Heartless by the Fray

3. Beat it by Fall Out Boy

4. Since You Been Gone by A Day to Remember (hehe, even the screamo parts)

5. Hurt by Johnny Cash

I also found a sweet piano cover of Taking Back Sunday's Cute without the E. Quite beautiful actually, which is funny knowing what the song is about.

Oh, and as soon as I get back to my actual house (for a whole day before going to the next household) I'll try to upload the pics from Mark's amazing wedding, and a pic of Goldie. Peace.

The Reason, part deaux

In case you don't know the reason to begin with, let me just link it for you. here.

I have stayed in contact with Masha ever since that plane ride. We mainly corresponded through email, but we've also talked a few times on the phone. She has been going through a lot of heartache, and I was thankful I would have the chance to encourage her simply by being a friend to her in a place where she is all alone (long story, but you can be praying for her).

Well, today marks the beginning of Masha's life with Christ!! She has been very gracious with me too, you see, and basically she said this:

"I know that God exists. The fact that He put you on that plane next to me is proof that we would become good friends, and get to experience this time together. You are like a sister to me, and because of God, I am very hopeful for the future."

This is paraphrased. Russians have a unique way of putting things, and I honestly can't capture it well. But I know that she now understands how much God loves her, which is so amazing. And it's not like we said a prayer with all the "right" words or anything. She just.. gets it. And when you hear her talk, you know it's true. The next part, is the hard part. I am so much in prayer for her to have someone that can mentor her and work with her to come to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

She goes back to Russia a month earlier than planned--September 24th. So please lift her up!

What a wedding

A few days ago, Mark (my former boss at 4cs) and Kara tied the knot. It was my first experience with an outdoor wedding, but everything went perfectly. The Denver area has been pretty rainy over the past couple of weeks, and yet it was a beautiful sunny day--not a rain cloud in sight! And oh my, how beautiful the setting. It was at a restaurant next to a stream in the mountains. Wow. The grass was so soft, and lovely for dancing on.

What I enjoyed most, well, other than the dancing, was the theme of the wedding. The talk was on loving well. Certainly this couple was an example of that. Mark flew out to see her pretty much every other weekend last fall (she was in Boston). When they got engaged, even though she had no job, she came back to Colorado to be with him (she stayed at her parents place to look for a job). Loving each other well, for them, was a fight.

I mean, there's a risk in all of the traveling. Risks may include, but are not limited to, what if one actually doesn't love back? How does one trust the other when they aren't able to spend as much time in each others' presence? How much physical involvement should occur when they do see each other? When one or the other is struggling with the relationship, how do you bring it up? How do you continue those conversations? Who do you talk to about the relationship when that person probably doesn't know the significant other?

And in all things, how do you love God first? Loving well means loving God more than all of the former. And yet loving God is a precious thing that I believe God intended us to learn how to do together.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the best man's toast. Not only was he funny (mentioning that when he looked for a wife, he was just looking for a female version of Mark Poshak. On an additional side note, I was just told that someone is looking for a male version of me--lol), but he was deep. He mentioned that Mark had a list. This list included the qualities he would want in a future spouse, and that the list was next to impossible. And so, God proves again, that all things are possible. And it really makes me want to make my list. I had one when I was younger, but after more experience, I realize that there is so much more I want to include.

Despite the risks, it's worth prayerfully setting your standards high(er).

Proof there is a dog

I am currently house-sitting for a family (the father is doing the Ironman in San Francisco), and I get to take care of their dog Goldie.

It has already been a riot, as she has talked in her sleep.. er.. barked in her sleep, in such an adorable way. But it's not a loud bark, more like there's a small dog inside of her trying to get out. That sounds funny, but that's how I would describe it again. There have also been just funny moments of waiting for her to poop before I can go to work.

The point is, this morning was amazing. I definitely had a dog moment.. er.. God moment with Goldie. I don't think it's time for me to describe it in words. But for anyone who is doubting the story of Balaam's donkey, please talk to me.