Just bein goofy

We had a photo scavenger hunt tonight for Fusion, and it was absolutely hilarious. We split up into six teams and scavenged (?) Arvada for various famous logos. Some were pretty easy (ie Target as shown), while some were a bit more difficult. Most teams for instance, struggled to find the Obama symbol, although a few teams did find it. Usually in books in Target. :P p.s. say hi to Kaitlyn, Kate and Bonnie!

Also, we played mega four square, which is easily one of my favorite games.

I attempted to ride the skateboard thing where you rock back and forth. Actually, I learned you salsa dance to get it moving. Which I can do because I definitely have hips. It's the get it moving part that is scary.

Then there was this time that Bonnie started talking in an accent and I was so impressed.

Oh, and then when we tried to get an original BK crown, all they had were Jonas Brothers ones. I would only do this out of love for my junior highers.
To top off the evening, Kendra and I teamed up for a three point shootout game vs. Justin and Christian. I played this for the first time last Wednesday at High Point and lost. So I made sure to practice a little this time. Hello win column ;)

On a serious note, I was studying up on Esther this afternoon and learned some cool things about Purim. Maybe when I have a better grasp on it, I'll let you know. But mainly I mention this because I'm getting excited to see the Lion's Gate (that honors the Persian goddess Ishtar that some people believe Esther is really referring to--no worries folks, it's not true) in Frankfurt for Christmas! aww snap.

Mouth wateringly good

If you're from Texas, it looks like this.
If you're in Russia, it looks like this.If you are a vegetarian, it looks like this. I mean, I guess. I'm just trying to be well-rounded here.At Susie's softball game this weekend, their pitcher Mariah had a scrumptious looking change-up. She got one batter to twice chase after that pitch, only to watch it go into the catcher's glove and hear, "Strike three!" That pitch looked so delicious, she couldn't resist swinging!

I had a lunch this past week with a student who went to CHIC and had said some pretty profound things. She talked a lot about the changes she wanted to see in her life, so I thought meeting her to follow up on those decisions might be beneficial.

I asked her how things were going, if she was able to see some of the changes she had talked about. The response was that when you get to school, it's a lot harder to not get sucked back into finding your identity in other ways: the clothes you wear, the people you hang out with, the boy at your side, the things you do. It's hard once we leave a group of 6,000 people who agree with us about how great God is to live for, to then surround yourself with 8,000 others who don't agree. Who would check the strongly disagree category, for that matter.

That's the problem with retreats/conferences/worship concerts. They aren't the present reality. When we get to heaven, even though honestly I don't know what heaven will really be like, I can imagine it will be more along the worship 24-7 thing. That's a sweet thought. But back to the retreats, the places for your "spiritual high" (which I know refers to high as in on top of a mountain, but really to me just sounds like a drug reference), how do we keep the promises we make to God during those events? How do we translate the mountaintop to the valley, and stay consistent?

We often tell others how to fix the problem by using a formula. "Well if you read your Bible.. If you prayed more.. If you went to church.. If you get rid of all of the cds with the devil music (you know, the ones with a syncopated rhythm?).. then you'll be better off." If you get rid of x, add y, then you'll get z.

Maybe this works. There is a sense that discipline in a certain area of your life can lead to change. For example, I have seen in my own life less of a desire to watch movies for mere entertainment or to say "Yeah, I've seen that," due to stopping myself from buying movies when I was in college.

Maybe though, what we really need to do is create the craving. How do we show others (or maybe we need this for ourselves) how wonderful following the Lord daily can be? How do we make His Word, prayer with Him, works of service, etc. etc. whet the appetites of those around us?

Thinking of When Harry Met Sally, to get them to say, "I'll have what she's having."

On a more appropriate note, to proclaim as the Psalms say, "Taste and see that the Lord is good" and "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth"!!!!!

Following the Lord to me is like eating my dad's fajitas (I think my brother would agree). Every time I come to Texas, I crave them. My time at home is not complete unless he makes them for me. Likewise, my day is not complete unless I've read the Bible, talked with God throughout the day (a two-way conversation), and/or been able to be there for someone. I am satisfied after eating dad's fajitas, how much more I am satisfied when I spend time with God!

As Frank from Everybody Loves Raymond said after a Thanksgiving meal, "I give it two buttons and a zip!"

He is mouth wateringly good. Now taste and see for yourself!

Let's move mountains

This goes back to the "Failure" post, to the last paragraph about how God still picks me of all people to be on his team. I actually have come back to this quote over and over again in TCoT. I just love it!

"[Greg Mortenson's] method of operation, hiring people with limited experience based on gut feelings, forging working alliances with necessarily unsavory characters, and, above all, winging it, while unsettling and unconventional, has moved mountains."

Not that Jesus would "wing it" or live off of "gut feelings", but I believe He was definitely unconventional, and did pick the people, the "unsavory characters", you'd never expect. Manning addresses this in the quote I included previously. Jesus looked at the heart, thinking of David (child number 7 and mere shepherd), at the potential in the human.

May we too, come to trust in the potential that God sees in others, embracing the community known as the church to move forward.

p.s. Kendra, I still call the post about cravings! :)

1 for 2

First of all, say hello to my future husband. He closed for both games that are accounted for in this post. It's like he knew I was coming. :)

Say hello to the next friend of mine--Coors Field. This comes from the first game I've been to since moving to Colorado. It was "Faith Day" which meant most of our church came (as well as a lot of the Merge folks), and that MercyMe performed after the fantastic win by the Rockies!

That lemonade was delicious

Kendra was so proud of being able to keep score, as was I.

The next game I went to was last night. The sunset was so beautiful, and it wasn't so cold as I thought it would be.

This is my new host mom, Yolanda. She loves baseball maybe even more than me.

It is also fun to note that even though I own plenty of purple clothing due to my alma mater, I wore bright colors instead. Oops! That's okay, I'm really just there for the baseball. And Huston Street. Okay, okay, for Dexter Fowler too.

I'm a failure

Today, I messed up a lot. At work number two, I botched a couple labels. Actually, I botched six labels. I've worked here for now two months and I've only messed up on two labels before, and both of those were fixable. These, I had to throw away and start over. I spilled things. And then, not on accident, I used boxes I wasn't supposed to because they were easier. In Christianese, the first sins (since sin literally means "missing the mark") were accidents. The latter however, was a sin of commission--I did that on purpose.

Then I came home and I didn't have time to do the thing I really wanted to do. Instead, I worked on what I would say at High Point tonight, which actually never really came together. And instead of reading the Bible, I continued Three Cups of Tea (pardonable sin?). When it was my turn for discussion, I was just all over the place. Later, and to a much lesser degree, but still a disappointment, I did horribly at basketball.

You know what?

It was relieving.

In these last weeks, I have felt overwhelmed with the pressure to perform. And I readily admit that it's not just in these past 8 weeks that I've felt this way. Most of my life really is subconsciously wanting others to notice and to be proud. Or even if they don't, then wanting to excel in what I am doing so that I can say I did.

It feels good to fail. It feels good to remember how imperfect I am (not that I don't know this--simply that it's even more apparent than normal), and how much I need God's forgiveness through Jesus; how much I need His strength to move on when I mess up accidentally; how much I need His mercy and grace when I mess up on purpose; how much I need to have the right perspective--pleasing the Lord, and not men.

And I know that I may have listed several silly ways in which I've failed, but that's only because you didn't see how much more was going on in my heart. I mean, there were those moments of joy when I was dancing in the warehouse to "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Stray Cat Strut" (oldies stations...) without a watchful eye, but when the other moments came, how quickly my insides turned sour. It is shameful.

Ironically, I was talking about confession tonight at High Point. I got to discuss with a few of the students how protestant churches don't exactly have a good outlet for this very necessary practice. I missed out on saying that I think because this is so, we don't take sin as seriously as we ought. To quote a guy named Plantiga (pulled from John Ortberg's book, The Life You've Always Wanted) :

"The awareness of sin used to be our shadow. Christians hated sin, feared it, fled from it, grieved over it. Some of our grandparents agonized over their sins. A man who lost his temper might wonder whether he could still go to Holy Communion. A woman who for years envied her more attractive and intelligent sister might worry that this sin threatened her very salvation... In today's group confessionals it is harder to tell. The newer language of Zion fudges, 'Let us confess our problem with human relational adjustment dynamics, and especially our feebleness in networking.' Or, 'I'd just like to share that we just need to target holiness as a growth area.' Where sin is concerned, people just mumble now."

In other words, I hope that I am not just okay with being a failure and missing my chance to become closer to Christ. I'm not intending to merely confess failure and then continue it. But here arises another tension, and ha, another book quote. This comes from a conversation from God to Brennan Manning, while Brennan was in solitude (in the AMAZING book, The Importance of Being Foolish):

"Little brother, perhaps the most difficult thing for you to accept at this moment is your failure to have done with your life what you long to accomplish. This is the cross you wanted least of all, the cross you never expected, the cross you find hardest to bear. Somewhere you got the idea that I expected your life to be an untarnished success story, an unbroken upward spiral toward holiness. Don't you see that I am too realistic for that?

"I witnessed a Peter who three times claimed that he did not know me, a James who wanted power in return for service to the kingdom, a Philip who after three years together didn't know he was supposed to see the Father in me, and a score of disciples who were sure I was finished on Calvary. The New Testament is full of men who started out well and faltered. Yet I appeared to Peter, and James is not remembered for his ambition but for his sacrifice of self for the kingdom. Philip did see the Father in Christ when I showed the way. And the disciples who despaired had enough courage to recognize me in the stranger at their side who broke bread with them in the gathering darkness at the end of the road to Emmaus. The point is this: I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself."

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm a failure, and I'm glad of it. God still picked me to be on His team, even though I'm the scrawniest and shortest player who goofs off too much. Somehow He knows the potential in me, and honestly, that's what I'm going to be depending on, what I will be striving for. What He sees matters most. Despite all the murderers, adulterers and thieves--He chose them for His team too. And those He chooses..

A simple song and a prayer

You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus you are Lord of all

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I cannot see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But, I believe my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.*

So let Your Name
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher

*Thomas Merton.

Post 100

..is dedicated to dearest Lexie. She is heading out tonight to join the Marines, leaving for three months of basic. That means no contact for at least a month, and after that, all I can send her are letters. But I definitely plan on that, as I can't imagine how hard it is to be one of the few gals amidst so much testosterone, in such a physically/mentally/emotionally challenging atmosphere far way from home (South Carolina to be exact!).

We had our last hurrah at the Sultan Grill, a fantastic Middle Eastern restaurant where I enjoyed lentil soup and baba ganouj (sorry no pictures, mom) and conversation concerning all that Lexie was about to face, as well as everything leading up to this point for her.

Lexie is an amazing gal with wanderlust (like me), a compassionate heart, and quite a head on top of her shoulders. I have met with her almost every week up to this point (except for when she was gone for a ten week tour of the Middle East), and each week is always filled with deep conversations, tea (mmm.. jasmine..), and dreams of going to another place and learning about the culture. Which is why I include the following picture:
She brought back for me an Israeli dreidel that is flippin sweet--I mean look at it! (She also bought me postcards, to add to the collection. A Mr. Burns, "Excellent," goes well here.)

She is the reason why I've added Lebanon to my list of must-see places. She is part of the reason I love being in full-time ministry. She has been my foreign movie watching buddy over the past year, which conveniently leads me to my next point.

On Monday evening, we watched a two-hour Christiane Amanpour special called Generation Islam. The news report covered all sorts of happenings in that part of the world that have really got me thinking. I've started this book, and even though I still have two hundred pages left, I recommend it. Who knows where it will take you.Shoot. Who knows where the ideas in this book will take me? Inshallah.. except of course, I refer to Jesus, not Allah. Just to be clear.

Moral of the story: Lexie will very much be missed, but I am so excited for her future! Oh, and Semper Fi.

Dugongs: more thoughts on the church

Friday Bible readings with Rachel continue, and we are moving through 1 and 2 Kings. Side tangent: I read Red Son, the story of Superman had he landed as a babe in a collective farm in the Ukraine instead of Smallville, KS. It has made reading the Kings a continuance of the graphic novel approach. As there is so much fighting and scheming, I can picture every story framed and with careful uses of color to intensify moments (like say, Jezebel's death). The Bible is awesome!!

Well, today, we decided to hone in on 2 Kings 12. Here we have the story of Joash repairing the temple. He decided to repair it very early in his kingly reign, but neglects to really take care of things until the 23rd year of the reign. Let it reign. Any way.. The point is, it's kind of a boring story in comparison to what surrounds it (seriously, see Jehu).

As we read, I chose to be tangental yet again and have us look back at the descriptions of the Tent of Meeting as well as the temple in Exodus, 1 Kings and Ezra. A few thoughts:

• I never thought about how descriptive God is with the coming together of the place where His presence will rest. I think this is something applicable for today as we very rarely think about how God can in fact be very specific to us with what He wants from us. The tendency is to say, "Well, I know generally as to where He is calling me," without giving credit to the possibility that He might want us to know more specifics. This is important to me, as I have often had a very Nike approach (you know, Just Do It) with my future plans. I should be more cautious. Paul had the Macedonian man, after all.
  
• The story of the building of the temple in Exodus is beautiful. That is all.
• Let's think about the transition of the temple for a minute. First, it is a tent. A very elaborate tent for that matter. A place where God's presence is personalized for the Israelites, and moves as they move. Then comes King David who has a desire for the place to be of more permanence. The responsibility falls to his son Solomon, because David was fighting too much (such is life). Solomon builds this amazing place, more beautiful than anything ever known before. The downfall of the Kings leads to exile, and we pick up on the rebuilding of the temple and Jerusalem in general in Ezra and Nehemiah. Take a second to read Ezra 3:7-13 for me. The temple is changing yet again. It is a restored place, where the younger generation lays a foundation that will pale in comparison to Solomon's precedence. The older generation weeps for the changes taking place. The same older generation, I might add, that had lived lives which caused the need for the exile (like worshiping the high places installed by Jeroboam or following their kings who did evil in the eyes of the Lord). Then we get silence. Jesus comes and says something totally radical; he will destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days. In case you didn't know, what he is referring to is his death and resurrection. Because Jesus is God. Thus God's presence. The new temple, the new "Way" as is the label given in the book of Acts, is the church--the body of believers who have the presence of God inside of them. Once again, he moves as we (now included in the covenant) move. Or is it the other way around? :P
  
• On the elaborate-ness of the tent: I have always despised gaudy churches. Don't get me wrong, St. Peter's is pretty amazing, but it felt like too much. Now I see the original intention of something so intricate in that it is meant for Someone greater than ourselves, who was just as if not more so intricate when he made this universe. I have to learn to appreciate that careful detail and lots of gold is meant to show off the Creator, not the creation. Basically, it means I have judged too quickly.
  

So we get back to this conversation about the church being a building. It is clear that it is more than that. In fact, what strikes me in reviewing this post is that the church is the place of God's presence. God's presence is manifest by the Holy Spirit, which has been given to us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Wrapping one's mind about this is tough. Rachel and I spent an hour and a half just thinking about the brilliance (for lack of a better term) of God's handiwork from the beginning of time.

Phew. And I haven't even mentioned how just as the tent/temple was intricate and beautiful, so is the current body of Christ. Oh, I haven't even begun to delve into this "body of Christ" phrase yet either! Another day..

Coming full circle: a 6 year process

"Jonathan Cubley would like to add you as a friend."

I was surprised by this. I hadn't heard from ex-boyfriend "Bubbly" Cubley in years. And instead of responding right away, I stopped to think about it. The story is that we dated over a summer. If you could call it that. I mean, neither of us had cars. But we talked and hung out a lot. Good times. When school started up though, it wasn't working out, and he decided to break up with me.

Via poem.

I laugh about it now, though at the time, I was crushed. And it was remembering this poem, which I still possess, that made me think twice before accepting the friend invite. A week later, however, he sent me a message saying I was silly not to be his friend. We've grown up and changed, he said. "And I did value our friendship."

I responded, "I guess I'm still just struggling with the, 'I'll see you later/I'm not Darth Vator' couplet" (his spelling of Vator). But then I decided to accept the invite.

That's right, that was part of the break up poem (at least it's better than a post-it note??). Other highlights I'd like to include:

"All that we've shared,
my heart is teared.
hehe I can't rhyme,
but yet I do it all the time.
Laugh it off
this is no cough..."

So the friendship on fb began a few months ago. I hadn't heard from him until yesterday, on fb chat. He wrote:

"hello, my name is darth vader;
I've been gone so long call me Ike Taylor;
No one remember my name;
But I hole the world in my brain;
Callin me the big mocheesmo John Wayne;
I hope you are doing well and stay doing your thang;
sorry I'm bored."

To which, I laughed out loud. I definitely give him credit for creativity, but my oh my how strange life can be sometimes.

Monday night dinners

I was recently reminded of Virginia. My second family, the Burgesses, live there. That is, the family who took care of me while I was a "'tern at 3PC" (see fb group). And while spending 3ish glorious months there, they maintained the Monday night dinner tradition with their children as well as their friends, every week.

I loved watching everyone do their part; Andy and Brenda would figure out the meal and make it, Rachel and Nathan would make the table/do the dishes, and I would fit in there somewhere too. I remember the conversations. Like when they worked so hard to get me to like soccer, and told me about the player Ronaldhino, who to me just looked like Jar Jar Binks. Minus the ears. I remember Nathan's story about going to Scotland, and almost getting jumped by a couple of guys who supported the other football team, because one of their party was wearing blue socks.

How could I forget playing roller hockey afterward? The times I fell on my face, the time I scored an "ESPN highlight" goal.. and then fell on my face..? The rigging of the U of R lights? The marking up of the tennis courts that you really shouldn't play on?

How could I forget Ukrop's rolls? (my mouth is presently watering)

I loved Monday night dinners. And it was by the Burgess's example that I knew if I ever settled, I would do something like that. I wouldn't be afraid to "make the circle bigger," as was one of the conversations Brenda and I had about a time when the dinner table was getting a little full.

In part, I'm reminded of MNDs because I have now attended two such dinners with the Nelson's in the past few weeks. I love it. I love the feel of family. The deliciousness, and free-ness ;), of the food. The conversation.

The other half, is that it goes back to the church conversation--back to that verse in Acts where they "broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts." The church doesn't have to meet within a certain building. The church has something to do with what's on the inside of us, coming together because we recognize how much God loves us. We celebrate that amongst fellow believers.

Yet, there is so much more to this word. Check here for more insight. This is what I will leave you with for now. Stay tuned!

Only in youth ministry...

..does one walk into a room with a bouquet of flowers, a block of cheese and a ping pong ball.

..is it okay for a student to say, "it was the tampons that won it for us."

..is it normal to get a text message saying, "i'm good. just doing some pre calc on the toilet."

..does one get paid to watch some of your favorite sports.

and in all seriousness.. for students to open up to you out of nowhere. Please be praying for one of my junior high student's family. Thanks.

church with a capital C

I don't know if this embedding will work, but I'll figure it out in time. I'm not always apt at computer things such as these.

The point however, is this is the beginning of what has been going through my mind a lot. What exactly is church? I know it's not a building, but when people keep saying that it's a "place you go for..." you have to wonder if it's transformed into one. But what does the Bible say? What are we doing?

Now you might see the reason for watching "Starving Jesus" in the last blog episode..

p.s. definitely got what I will call a yellow card from the mall cops during the making of this video. How much of a rebel am I? muah ha ha.

See picture below

I watched the "Starving Jesus" documentary today at work. It features Craig Gross and J.R. Mahon, founders of xxxchurch.com, going on a 40 day journey throughout America encouraging church-goers to get out of the pews and into the community.

It's fascinating because the focus is not always on the community service projects that they do take part in, or on the reactions of the churches to their message, or even their message at all. The film instead tends to zoom in on the relationships between Craig, J.R. and Dave their driver. We especially get a view of how the 40 day fast that they do in conjunction with the journey takes a toll on the two main men.

What I will say is this. I loved that these pastors showed their true colors. Sometimes they were mean-spirited, just downright jerks. And yet, you know that they love Jesus, because they wouldn't take part in something like this (40 days without food is CRAZY) if it weren't for Him. Maybe their story is an example of selfish pride, or maybe they were being real with how hard it can be to follow Christ and be convicted about the need for the church to reach out to the community the way God intended. Satan would surely be afraid of that gospel. I would imagine the father of lies trying to tear them apart as much as possible.

I (and J.R. too) was moved most by a woman in Louisiana who was part of a very generous ministry. As I scan my room of the many things I have (even after having gotten rid of a lot from my most recent move), I am ashamed of how little I have given. Not just of what I own, but my time and other resources. I realize how easy it is to be distracted, and to be selfish. I am also encouraged by how merciful our Lord is to us. How much He looks at our heart, allowing us to pick back up to the place we left Him. Okay, I may be getting some of this from the book I'm currently reading (more on that later). Nonetheless, I can also vouch that the Lord was looking to the heart of these men as they struggled to see the change/conviction in one another during their time of fasting (one even stops fasting a few days early). I can see how it would be easy for the viewer of the film too, to think that it was all for show.

More importantly, I agree that we need to stop starving Jesus. We need to do something for our community; having compassion on the masses the way Jesus did during His time on earth. Thinking of another pretty sweet ministry: You have one life. Do something.

In other words, I recommend this documentary to be taken with a grain of salt.

I thought

..that I knew how to read the Bible well.With the completion of one of this year's new year's resolutions, I realized that sometimes I go about reading God's Word all wrong. As one friend said, "If we interpret the Bible to mean everything, it doesn't mean anything." Thus, I am challenged to not just have the Bible say what I want it to say. Or mean what I think it means. The layers (historical and literal context, audience, writer) are meant to magnify God, after all.

I mean, I can specifically think of a time when I read a verse in James and I felt like it meant that I should respond in a way that wasn't even addressed in the whole book of James. I confess. I'm not perfect.

Now I look forward to How to 2.

It's amazing how simple it can be sometimes.