External processor moment

I find Anberlin to be therapeutic. Almost all of Anberlin's stuff just makes me sing at the top of my lungs again. Kind of like the kid on the link my dad posted on my facebook wall this morning.

In other news, I had a dream. I had a dream that I was back at my first church, but there was a new youth pastor who had parked the church van close to the south side entrance. On his way to moving the vehicle, a motorcyclist rammed into the bumper and sped off. Not to be taken advantage of, the van then sped out of the parking spot and raced to catch up with the guy. When he pulled out, I realized that one whole side of the van was already in shambles (beaten in, holes everywhere).

Then, because he was in such a hurry, he ran into the curb, which caused the front hub cap to shoot off, and the front bumper to come loose. The van was then t-boned by another vehicle, and the motorcycle slid on its own error just a little further ahead in the lot.

It was pure mayhem, and I'm pretty sure that I was just jaw-dropped at the situation. I woke up not too long after the incident.

To be fair, we just had our second evening of demolition night for youth group. Demolition night usually involves destroying fruit and plastic bottles of condiments with a tree trunk for a mallet, but other things are added to the fun. For instance, the potato/apple gun. It was my first time to shoot one of those which I just found funny. First hoe down--Nevada. First potato gun--Colorado. You have let me down, Texas.

Then there's putting fire to things that we've demolished. For Fusion, it was a washing machine that we took a few whacks at with the sledge hammer.

For High Point, we tagged and destroyed a car. Maybe it was my images of this poor, innocent Camry being demolished by high school students that led to my dream. Maybe..

But remember my blog about failure? I was also feeling that. It came as soon as High Point started for some reason. I wasn't really wanting to help out, especially when it came to cleaning up afterward. Participating during was also not in my list of things I wanted to do. I don't know why.

It's with this lens that I think the dream was a non-example. Back in high school when I played volleyball, our coach would give us a demonstration on a certain thing we were supposed to do. If she messed up, however, she would just say, "Oh, that was a non-example."

And this crashing and burning dream is a non-example of how I want to end my time at 4Cs. I don't want to end in chaos. I don't want to end with tearing things apart. I want to build up. I want to encourage. I want to pass on the work as 2 Timothy 2:2 says so beautifully. Simple.

I think maybe I'm scared of the ending too. When I woke I just had to pray for forgiveness and strength. I thought of a verse I've read recently in Proverbs that says to not boast about tomorrow, for we do not even know what comes. Oh how thankful of grace and mercy I've become!

To come full circle:

I can finally breathe.

Suddenly alive.

I can finally move.

The world feels revived.

That's not my name

It's so interesting to remember my time in Russia, exactly one year ago. Where was I exactly? I don't recall.. but the view from the hotel in Moscow, or the rushing waters of the Gorge in Krasnodar.. the sacred time in the Eastern Orthodox church.. I think of these moments even more knowing that overseas mission life is a full-time existence in the near future.

And I recall my first day of taking my second year of Russian language. Our professor was no longer the American woman who became fascinated by Russian culture in her college years (understandably so). Instead, we had a woman born and raised in the Motherland. She had even attended Moscow University, where my friend Masha currently goes.

"Kak bac zobyt?"

"Menya zobyt Sharayah," I had responded.

With a quizzical look she said perhaps the few words in English we'd ever hear her say the entire year. "Sharayah? That is too long. Tebya zobyt Shura."

Ha. I remember how I didn't have a choice then, and I didn't have much of one when I had gone to Russia for those two, almost three weeks. The women would chuckle to themselves when I would tell them my shortened name. I knew it was a nickname for Alexander, but it was easiest for them to pronounce as well as remember, so that made things better in the long run.

Attending Iglesia Vida Nueva for about the 4th week now, I realized I might be changing my name again. Jose Luis came up to me again to ask my name, and when I repeated it for him one of the students who had also attended on Sunday looked at me. "Sharayah, you might need something easier to pronounce."

Even my friend I've sat in adjacent rows with for the past few weeks called me Sara. As in Sah-rah. He said that he knows it's Sharayah, but this is just easier for him to say. And let's be honest, I've gone throughout this lifetime having people mispronounce and misspell my name and I've been mostly okay with it.

Jesus knows me. And when I head out to Argentina it's not about me any way. I take comfort in this:

Con Cristo estoy juntamente crucificado, y ya no vivo yo, mas vive Cristo en mi; y lo que ahora vivo en la carne, lo vivo en la fe del Hijo de Dios, el cual me amo y se entrego a si mismo por me.

Galatas 2:19-20

Water You turned into wine

Open the eyes of the blind

There’s no one like You

None like You

Into the darkness You shine

Out of the ashes we rise

There’s no one like You

None like You

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome and power

Our God, Our God

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

What can stand against?

First of its kind

It's kind of complicated. You see, I had signed up to talk both on Wednesday and Sunday this week. Little did I know that plans would form for my brother's wedding to occur today. In fact, it just ended. I think that a combination of excitement and wanting to show off is involved with the making of this:

Say hello to my first (hopefully only, but who knows these days), skyped-in wedding. When Dad took the computer around to let me meet people, I met the pastor who said, "Wow--my first eHarmony, as well as first skyped wedding!"

I love technology, but not as much as you, you see...

Say hi to silly Christopher as I took shots from my camera:

Mom's trying to wave, and Mark is looking SNAZZY!!!
Of course, William wanted to get in on the action as well.

Then of course, there's the few pics of the wedding itself. But I'll also include the picture of the dress that I took when she first bought it. It is GORGEOUS!

Placing the ring on her finger.

Look at her smile!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Spicer!!!! (and my weak attempt at taking a screenshot and making it artsy)

What have I done?

As I mentioned, I chatted a little bit with my aunt Melonia. She was a missionary in Guatemala for two years, so it was cool to hear some of her stories about living in Central America at about the same age that I will be when I live in Argentina. (It is also interesting to note that she had done a short term mission trip in Latvia, while I had done three-ish weeks in Russia--two countries that coincide culturally.)

"Make sure when you get there you take all your pictures right away," she mentioned. Everything sort of loses its charm after awhile. It becomes normal.

She then warned me about the feeling of uncertainty. There's the culture shock mixed with excitement that comes with a new place, but then there's the failed expectations. You don't always realize you have expectations for a place, and it's important to at least have some for wherever you go and whatever you do. But sometimes, things don't pan out the way you wanted.

You ask yourself, "Have I done the right thing?"

"Did I make a mistake?"

Interestingly enough, I had talked just the day before with my mom about what it was like for her and dad to move overseas. Both of them were so excited for the opportunity, but it quickly settled in that maybe this wasn't the best plan after all. My mom said she reminded herself that "This too shall pass," and the worry eventually wore off.

I had felt the same about going to Northwestern. That fall was a major struggle internally, especially after becoming close with people in Texas during my last year in high school. My friendships with them would never be the same, but I have no regrets about choosing Northwestern. Every time I look back at all that I learned there, even with the baggage known as student loans, I think, "That was worth it."

I can't say I had the mindset of "This too shall pass." I think that I just remembered that while my earthly father was 1,000 miles away, my heavenly Father was right there with me. He had shown me some cool things too, in the new friendships I'd made. I have to wonder though, had I not had those friendships, would I still have depended on the relationship with God?

And then I had had the same feelings with going to Colorado. My intentions were to go to seminary in Denver, but when I got here I realized I liked being out of school (and still do), so maybe a few more years of experience might do me well. To be honest with myself though, it probably took 6 months to a year of being in Colorado before I truly felt like it was the right decision. Sure, the outer appearance of things were great--I still love mountains, I love my host families, I love working with the youth group (and learning from my co-workers). But I still questioned.

It's okay to question. God likes questions. He likes it when we're in constant conversation with Him about what we're doing on this earth. That's what makes Jesus so great--He values the relationship with us.

Sometimes He doesn't answer our questions the way we want either. He shows us something different though, usually infinitely better than we imagined. I can't describe it to you, because it's something that you have to experience. Kind of like that blind man who said, "Look, all I know is I once was blind but now I see." Now what to do with that sight...

Maybe part of the answer is that He's much more concerned with the relationship with us than our physical location. Nonetheless, we need to remember (one of my favorite words) that new places will bring on new feelings and new experiences quite foreign from what we're used to. Any time we are out of our comfort zone, we experience stress. If we aren't able to give that stress over to the Lord, then we will certainly wallow in fear. John 16:33 puts it best:

"In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!"

(emphasis added)

More of Nolan

My weekend in Texas was well spent. Quality time with a lot of the family, a chance to see all of the cousins, and even some time at the church I plan on attending this summer (the youth pastor let me borrow a book I had been eyeing on his bookshelf. Now I have to go back!).

But let's be honest. I really went to see Nolan. The majority of my pictures from the weekend are him, and it's funny because all he really does is a lot of this:
and this:
But it's all so cute at his age! Any way, I had a great discussion with my aunt about missionary life, and I'll write about that the next time I have a chance. Hasta luego!

Me + music = forever

After attending a concert last Friday night, I began to contemplate how I choose to like/dislike certain bands/songs. It usually has more to do with life experiences occurring while listening to the music, rather than the quality of the music. Usually. The following few paragraphs serve as examples.

My love for ska music takes me back to two important concert moments. The first being the Relient K and Five Iron Frenzy concert with Lucas and Brandon Pinkard. The second being playing hacky sack with Six Foot Midget (local ska band that never made it big), and hoping that one day I'd get to marry the back up guitarist. I was in high school, okay?

Every time I hear the Phenomenon album by Thousand Foot Krutch, I think of my drives to and from Fort Worth, Texas, when I worked for the Fort Worth Star Telegram my senior year of high school. During this time, I also attended the first concert festival by myself and had such a strange experience.

When I hear Sanctus Real, two moments again stick out. The first, being shopping with the guitarist Chris, while at a Youth Specialties (I may have also had dreams of marrying him someday--hmm.. I sense a theme). The second is a more complicated story you may not care about, but I'm going to type out any way.

My first mission trip out of state was in Shreveport, Louisiana. One of my team members was dating a guy from another team (we were divided into teams to repair various houses in the city). She told about how great he was, yada yada yada, but then, post mission trip, they break up. She was devastated, but over time, we lost touch and I didn't hear from her any more.

Then I got my first job. This guy named Jordan worked there, and we instantly became really great friends. Nothing romantic, we just joked around a lot and liked to take our breaks at the same time to talk. Turned out, he was dating my friend from first mission trip! One of the issues with the former boy was that he was too young, so she began to pray for someone older than her and voila--Jordan. To make it more interesting, he's exactly one year older than her. To make it even more interesting, she's exactly one year older than me. We're all born on the same day!!

Where does Sanctus Real fit in? Well, when I left for college, Jordan gave me a parting gift of SR's latest album at the time, Fight the Tide. There's a song on there that he dedicated to me, something to remember whenever I was having a bad day. The album is still one of my favorites to this day.

So back to the concert. Fee played. My experience with Fee began at Dare 2 Share in Denver two falls ago. As in the season fall. They played and my favorite time was singing I Am Free and dancing with Susie and Janelle. Maybe the lyrics aren't as deep, but the moment was unforgettable. There was also a song played at Merge two weeks ago that really hit my heart. When I looked up the song, I noticed it was written by Steve Fee. It wasn't till the concert on Friday that I made the connection.

On the other side, I've experienced praise songs to Jesus that are deep and theological, but are ruined by watching superficiality in the people I care about singing the songs. That's the nicest way I can put it, without sounding too judgmental (I'm being judgmental in case you didn't catch that. It's a stumbling point for me, but I'm trying to be honest).

Then came David Crowder (skipping a few of the bands for time's sake). My absolute favorite time with David Crowder was at one of my first Youth Specialties conferences as a high school student. They weren't as famous back then. We had a night led by them, Chris Tomlin, and speaking by Louie Giglio. Right now my mouth waters thinking about how great that lineup is!

That's when I was introduced to O Praise Him. I go back to that glimpse of Sharayah history EVERY time. It is beautiful. I think of Matt Ryd making sure Lorna learned the piano part for when they played it at Cru. Just for me (everybody say, Awwww). I think of Christmas Conference when it was played, by another band, at midnight prayer time. It's just all around one of my favorites.

They also sang We're Gonna Sing Like We're Saved. Who, of the Lakeland youth group, doesn't think of John Green during this song? Exactly..

The video below is another important one.

With this (originally written by John Mark McMillen), comes my first experience with 4Cs. That is, Mark Poshak and Steve Nelson leading worship. I was sitting next to (at the time) some girl named Kelsey Crawford who said I was a good singer. Psh, you should hear her! And the song has brought comforting memories about the youth group ever since.

Why do we do this? Why do we connect sounds (and sights and smells for that matter) with experiences so strongly? I'm not always sure. There are songs I shouldn't like because of sadder experiences. But I still listen to Jon McLaughlin, certain Streetlight Manifesto songs, etc. with the utmost joy.

Then again, there was one band at the concert that I don't associate with positive memories. I had a hard time listening to them and being open to their lyrically strong music. I dunno. I like 'em, but I can't get over the memories. I know it's not fair to do that, but I also don't know how to stop it.

To end on a happier note, one more memory driven song. The very simple Dance in the River by Chris Tomlin. All of our family had just resolved a fight, which was long and painful, and in celebration, we played Chris Tomlin's album. I just remember singing and dancing to this song at close to midnight, being very thankful for family.

He can make everything glorious, can't He?

Not a surprise anymore

It started with Tuesday evening. I was praying about Argentina again. I've noticed that the initial excitement has worn off a bit, and now I'm thinking about all of the responsibility that will be involved in my two years there. That's also exciting, but in a different way. A humbling, I-won't-be-able-to-do-anything-without-Jesus, sort of way. I'm really happy that that's true.

And so I was praying that God would show me more. I don't know what, but something to encourage me.

Then on Wednesday, I was flying to Dallas to see Nolan (pics to come). As I waited in the airport terminal I prayed that God would allow for me to sit by someone interesting. Not that no one is NOT interesting, but I guess I was just thinking someone to talk with.

Two guys sit next to me. Within minutes I realize they're speaking Spanish. The accent is different, and yet somewhat familiar at the same time, if that makes sense. Of course, then I'm too nervous to say anything. As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!"

But about halfway to DFW the flight attendant makes the announcement for the gates for connecting flights. I noticed that Buenos Aires is one of the connections. Now I just have to ask. And I do.

They're FROM FLIPPING ARGENTINA!!!! Of all the gin joints in all the world. Basic calculations show that the plane is holding at least 150 people. Really?! Can it be true that the only two on the plane from my destination country are sitting next to me? God is just so cool!!

They were visiting Aspen and Vail, and the teenager (16 years old) is a snowboarder. He told me all the good spots for when I go. hehe. Rockies, check. Alps, check. Andes, here I come!! We talked about how I will be working with a church. They immediately asked, "Catolica o Protestante?" I shrugged. "I just love Jesus."

When we got off the plane, the younger one kissed me on the cheek. Adorable. I immediately texted Kendra to tell her about how crazy it was that these two sat next to me. She responded, "It's you. I'm starting to think things like that are normal." lol

Best Moments During Persecuted Church*

Back in the fall, I was dressed as Batman. The theme was superheroes night, in case you may have forgotten. So I was hiding in the High Impact room in the shadow of a sign. Two of the junior high guys were sneaking in, and to my surprise, one of them came right toward me. I mean, I was looking right at him, and I figured he had seen me. He was about a foot and a half away when I said in a matter of fact kind of way, "Hey Tyler."

He responded by screaming like a little girl and running away. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even chase him.

-----

Then there was the time when I didn't even have a chance to do anything. Brandon just happened to run around the corner, and, not seeing me, knocked me right over. Ouch. But hilarious.

-----

Then tonight I was thinking I could hide by climbing up top a table. As I climbed, I felt something strange on the ground with my foot. I felt around a little bit more with my toe. "Is someone there?" I whispered.

"Yeah, it's me Grayson, who are you?"

I felt so bad because he thought I was another student.

-----

Basically, this game is so fun. It was nice to have one last run before I leave. I know I still have a couple months left, but this was probably the last of Persecuted Church for me. I'm even more happy that a lot of the students had a great time. Even more stoked that I found out about 4 more plan on coming to Denver Mission Trip!! Many prayers are in order for that trip.

*I feel the need to express that the name of this game is not the best (that which we actually call it is probably worse). The theme of the game though is suggesting the need to share the gospel despite life-threatening circumstances, if that helps. Sorry if I've offended anyone.

There's a new post

It's just further down, because it went along with the Class discussion. I had started it last week, and finished it this morning. Let me know what you think!

peace.

Kite flying at the lake

Actually, first of all comes the best part of my week--Bible reading (and Slurpie drinking) time at Target with Rachel!

Saw this on the ground and decided to make the most of it.

Cool pattern in the sand.

Spring is slowly a-coming.

We found lots of ladybugs. I'm not that much of a fan of ladybugs, but figured it was a cool picture opportunity.

KITE FLYING TIME!!!!

Noah shows what he can do.

But Asher gets the award for best kite flying, especially because he made the thing.

Commercial break

The victim. Michael Bowman. The culprits. Kendra and me. Honestly, I was playing to his ego, but for the record, Kendra had introduced the idea. Worth it? You may judge for yourself.. I recommend watching several times in a row.

Also, if you haven't checked out my latest youtube upload, please go take a look. Our junior boys are just too funny, and Christian did a great job of editing. They are the winners of this year's High Point VMAs. I will work to get the other videos uploaded by next week.

Today was TOMS shoes "One day without shoes" campaign. The idea was to raise awareness of those around the world who don't need shoes by striking up conversations as to why we (about a quarter of a million of us nationwide) were barefoot today.

And I gotta be honest, I was nervous. I had two meetings with folks in public restaurant type places lined up for the day. I kind of thought that I would get kicked out or something. But no problems there. I did get plenty of strange looks, and was able to generate a bit of conversation. Maybe even encouraged one gal to buy a pair of shoes! So that's exciting.

It all reminded me of what it's like when you first go and share the gospel with someone. You're a little worried of what the other might think of you. Not like that should be your focus, I know. But mostly you can't help it. I love when you let God move for you though--some pretty crazy things will happen!!

My other thoughts were really putting myself in someone's shoe.. less feet. It got cold in the evening and I watched a baseball game in that weather. How unhealthy it is to be barefoot all day in the cold. And true cold, versus breezy cool Denver evening air.

And while I didn't go many places, my feet are still black on the bottom (I should probably clean them about now huh?). I realized this is because we've paved everything, which actually makes walking without shoes more bearable. Can you imagine what it's like for someone walking in mud, in rocky soil, etc. etc.? Ouch. What kind of calluses must develop. What kind of diseases can enter through your torn feet?

And it's all just a metaphor for the greater news we can share. The news that brings living water and living bread and now.. shoe covered feet!

Talked with Allyson today. Love her. Watched a documentary on the shroud of Turin--still not convinced but it is fascinating. Helped paint s'more in the High Impact room. We watched Crash and I was reminded of the beauty of the movie. Still cried at the scene where the little girl gets shot. Any other details of the day? Oh. Finished my James Dean marathon by watching Giant. Fantastic!!

An interesting Class discussion, pt. 4

Final part. Just random addendum that I've thought about over the past week.

We spent some time talking about language registers at the conference. The typical vocabulary for middle class is called formal, while the vocabulary for generational poverty is called casual.

How middle class of us, then, to create defining terms? We keep up with the formal language (which has several hundred if not at least a thousand more words than casual) by creating terms that we can understand better.

We versus them, it felt like. When I talked with the students last Tuesday I tried to be sure to point out--one group is not better than the other. Good AND bad come from both groups. The reason for separation in the first place is because of how broken we are. What then is the goal of our working together?

Because Christ gave us the ministry of reconciliation. This is not just between us and God, but between me and you, and between us and His creation (a whole 'nother story, but read Serve God, Save the Planet). Period.

In what other ways did we in this seminar revert solely to middle class thinking? I had asked the group around me, part of a social service group that helps students perform well in school, whether anyone on staff was from a Generational Poverty background. They took a second, and proudly came up with one or two. Then I asked them if any of those persons were involved with the major decision making in the organization. They responded no, and then changed the subject to the score of a baseball game.

I read all of John Steinbeck's The Pearl yesterday. It's only a 94 page novella, so don't think I'm anything special. What I'm trying to get at goes back to the brokenness. The protagonist Kino has the opportunity to break out of poverty because he has found a pearl of great price. The climb out of poverty takes more than that we realize, just like we've learned that we can't just throw money at people to help them go get better.. cough.. Haiti.. cough.

"But the other ways are hard!" we whine.

"Oh yeah? So can you imagine what it was like to turn your back on your own Son's most excruciating death? A death you could have stopped?"

We love because He first loved us. The things we do are a metaphor for what He's already done for us.

An interesting Class discussion, pt. 3

I would like to start this one off by saying something critical:

I AM JUST AS GUILTY

Whew. So great to get that off my chest. I'm guilty. I'm guilty in how I have treated generational poverty as though I am not one of them. I'm guilty of going in thinking that I'm the savior of their greatest need.

Like this one time when I bought some bread, peanut butter and jelly, and some Gatorade for a guy outside of a grocery store. While I had the best of intentions, I made little effort to know him, or pray for him. And worse, I bought wheat bread.*

Then there was this time a couple weeks ago when I bought lunch for a guy at Taco Bell. I aimed to make sure I made eye contact. Try to help the man feel like a person, you know? I think a lot about how Jesus would not just heal a person, but look at him or her, call them "Son" or "Daughter." To help them no longer feel invisible. But then I ordered the wrong thing because I misheard him (or was I really listening?). And then he ended up making a scene which was the last thing I wanted, for both of our sakes.

How many times I feel like I know what the person really needs. Again, compelled to pray more before going/doing anything. Not that prayer will make me do the perfect thing, but hopefully to make my attitude better within the situation.

Then that pride I had mentioned in the last entry.. how easy it is to become proud of the "good" I've done.

All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one. Psalm 14:3

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags.. Isaiah 64:6

Just in case it's not clear. All means ALL. Okay, glad we got that settled.

There is nothing good about us. All our righteousness comes through Christ. We strive to do our best, moved by the Holy Spirit. We press on, and don't get caught up on our past mistakes. We learn from them, and we aim to avoid them, but we are human. That's what's so great about Jesus stepping in for us!

I'm guilty of going in thinking that I'm better than the person I'm helping. As if I'm the one to solve their great problems. Problems go much deeper than a missed meal, or being without a job, do they not?

It was good to talk out my thoughts with my mentor today. I was pleased to share about my Fusion students, who participated in a somewhat stretching service project on Tuesday night. I'm not going to tell you what they did, but I'm excited for what they learned during that time. I hope for the best, and I pray for more of a lifestyle of serving. Not because of anything I've done, but because what our Father has already done for us.

*see PBS special People Like Us: Social Class in America. A certain segment follows the debate between white and wheat bread as a class issue. I may not buy it completely, but it is very fascinating.

An interesting Class discussion, pt. 2

Jodi addressed a very important issue, one that has plagued me since the Connection conference. How do we enter into a mission experience while also being mindful of the dignity of the human beings at stake?

Let's flesh this out some more. Oh dear, no pun intended there.

It is very easy to go on a mission trip, lead a Vacation Bible School, build a building, what have you, then leave. Follow through is ignored, and pride about the previous week's work is felt by all!I heard of a group in Mexico that actually resents the Americans who come in to lead their VBSes with fancy crafts that otherwise could not be afforded, and including all of these white people that kids are more interested in seeing than getting to know. When they want to have their own VBS weeks, no one comes.

We go and build buildings for Mexico, but the people do not take care of the building according to our standards. We get frustrated. Then again, how were the native people invested in the well-being of said building in the first place?

The main question at hand: My solutions to another person's problem are good for me, but how do I seek out the good for the other?

Jodi's example (remember that with her we were talking about class) was an upper class person coming to a middle class family's home and deciding to buy them a housekeeper. "I see you're struggling a little and don't have as much time to keep your home tidy. Let me buy you a housekeeper," upper class person says. She writes the checks for years and years without a thought.

About a dozen or so years later, the upper class person realizes he/she is spending a little too much and would like to make some cuts. Sure enough, the housekeeper for the other person is nixed. But now..

Now middle class family is in an uproar! They have had so many years of having it this way, that taking the housekeeper away is unfair. Unjust.

Now middle class family has a sense of (unjustified) entitlement.

Maybe you've experienced a homeless person looking at the food you offer them and saying, "Oh no man, I don't want that." Wait.. really?!?

Scene three is my observation of the January earthquake affecting Haiti. America throws as much money as possible at the situation. We also send a lot of doctors and helpful people of that sort. I'm not diminishing their work, but I would like to include some perspective. Where were these people before the quake? Haiti was in as much turmoil without the assistance of an added natural disaster. You can just compare the effects on Concepcion, Chile, where an earthquake of greater magnitude didn't cause as many problems for the community. (Not to belittle the still tragic results of that earthquake.)

And thinking back to our buildings, they were probably the only ones left standing in Haiti. Nevertheless, they are still our solutions placed on others.

Jodi added another tough question to all the social service groups in the room. What are your working hours and when are your clients most available? If most of your clients are generational poverty, then they are most free, statistically, between the hours of 7pm and midnight. Hmm..

So let's think of the results of our solutions for others: resentment, entitlement, acting too late.

Something has got to give.

I couldn't help pondering how much the relationship needs to be mutual. We have to remember that there are lessons to be learned from one another. It should never be one-sided. How do we get to that point?

An interesting Class discussion, pt. 1

I went to an all day seminar on poverty yesterday. I was running late, so I prayed that it wouldn't be a big deal--to my surprise there were 300 people, mostly social workers, attending, so I easily joined the crowd without being noticed.

Jodi Pfarr, from Minneapolis, MN was the speaker, and she did a brilliant job (at least in my opinion) of broadening the discussion on poverty by talking about classes. After all, this is something we can relate to best, whether we realize it or not. We divided the classes for the sake of time, to two main groups:

1. Generational Poverty
2. Generational Middle Class

The generational term is included to specify our groups even more. We are discussing people with whom the class label is more than just a one time thing. Nonetheless, after looking to these mindsets more closely, my eyes opened to what might be going on in the mind of a middle class person finding themselves in poverty (especially in this economy!), as well as the effects on the other end of the spectrum, such as a person in poverty winning the lottery.

To begin with, we asked the question that everyone should ask at one time or another: What are the leading causes of poverty?

You kept these answers to yourself, as Jodi brought about four types of research in the problem of poverty. I don't mean to think in lists, but it's the best way to organize for now. The following is a briefly detailed list. Please understand there is a LOT more to each area of research.

1. Individual Behavior. In what ways does the individual have an affect on his/her poverty level? Are there addiction issues? Did the person choose to go to school or not? Does the person seek out employment?


2. Community Behavior. How does the community create an environment that continues the struggle with poverty? Has the human and social capital increased/decreased in your neighborhood? Why/Why not?


3. Exploitation. Most of us think of child laborers and human trafficking. You're right on the money, although there are plenty other areas of exploitation, such as high cost of goods in generational poverty neighborhoods.*


4. Political/Economic Structure. What policies help prevent poverty? How much does a corporation's money sway votes on such policies?

We were then asked to look at what we wrote down for the main causes of poverty, and to put a number by each cause based on where it fell in line with the above realms of research. For many of us, most of our thinking fell in line with one of the four more than the rest. As I found to be true for me, whichever area of research we thought about more also had to do with what we do with our lives. For instance, I focused on the problems for the individual. My job includes more individual contact than community-based, or political action. It's not that our way of thinking is wrong, but it is that we need to be thinking more wholistically.

So the question is now posed for you. What are the ways in which you can apply all four of the realms of research about poverty into what you do? It's a tough question, but it's a great start.

*For the sake of argument, but also for the sake of understanding, there is an economic issue that should be considered. The cost of shipping goods to cities is higher than in the suburbs (areas often associated with middle class). One reason is that convenient stores within cities need to pay a higher price for security of their stores due to higher crime rates, and must raise prices to compensate for the extra cost.

The giant eastern rebel

I must admit that my current obsession is James Dean.

I didn't just watch two of his three motion pictures today. I played the saxophone a little, I played a lot of ping-pong with Noah, I played Imaginiff with the family, and I face painted for a straight hour and a half for an Easter outreach at the church.

But I did watch, and fall in love with East of Eden. I enjoyed Rebel without a Cause, but not as much as the other. As a result, I'm guessing a post will come from my thoughts on the character Cal. For now, I will study some more Spanish. Have a happy Easter everybody!

Goosebumps

When I think about how God works, I'm usually reminded of the small things. I remember Brandon Pinkard (sp?) talking about the hottest week of the year one summer. Yet when he saw a small moment where God obviously did the moving within that week, he got the chills. He got, as grandma would say, the goose pimples.

Today it happened twice. And maybe to others these moments are not so significant. But I have been praying about being able to play in a praise and worship band, especially within the time in Argentina. Playing my saxophone, that is.

So I was talking with Pastor Victor today.. about all sorts of things really.. he's a great guy.. and he offered for me to join the worship team!! I got all teary eyed because I didn't even think to ask. But what a great opportunity, no? A chance to play, and to interact more--force me to use Spanish more--in preparation for the big move? Wow, God, wow.

And then later, I had a hankering for some tortillas and refried beans. How southern of me. Any way, I went with a friend to Qdoba and I noticed the woman behind the counter had a thick accent. I went for the plunge, and had a short, but completely Spanish conversation with her. She said that she moved here recently, and that she was still working on speaking English, although she understands it. She said I spoke Spanish well.

To which, I laughed. But thanked her for the encouragement.

She also didn't charge me for my food. I can say from that simple interaction, I got a fraction more confidence to just speak Espanol mas. No necesito preocuparme. Y pienso debo pedir que ella venga a la iglesia conmigo.

No fooling around

..this time. Although, I don't expect this post to be very cohesive. As I thought about how it would go while eating breakfast and enjoying the view (hoy esta nublado), I thought of only one thing that was clear:

We need to pray.

Yesterday, I had a fun discussion with Randy about Open Theism and Calvinism. You see, we're about to tackle some of the hardest questions brought against Christianity during High Impact, one of them of course, being the question of suffering. The same question came out in Crusade during our One Question campaign. Every year.

It is hard to comprehend a God that we call good creating a world that includes suffering.

Aside--the suffering we face as Americans is so little compared to the world. I can only hope that because of how small the world has gotten through technology, when people bring up the question of suffering, they are looking at our entire globe's suffering. I do not want to completely diminish the pain we do experience, but I just feel like having a bed every night and at least one meal every day makes us some of the most fortunate people.

It seems the difference between Open Theism and Calvinism is the verb. Does God allow or does God cause suffering? Does God allow for man to choose evil, which leads to the greater suffering? Or does God cause certain suffering to happen because that's the way it will be?

This leads to more questions: What is the ultimate reason for the suffering? No one wants to hear, "This is happening for a greater purpose," or "God is bringing glory to himself through your suffering." Especially within the moment. "Hindsight is 20/20," is another phrase I've heard fairly recently that brings little comfort while facing trials of many kinds.

We brought up examples from the Bible that seems to point to either way. I thought about how we also don't have the history of the other men God could have used, to say, lead Israel out of Egypt, or the other guy (or girl?) that could have betrayed Jesus. I thought about how both the Arminian and Calvinism camp use Romans 8:28 to make their point of free will or predestination.

We see through a glass darkly.

We don't have the whole picture the way God does.

And the problem that every camp faces is that they stick a label on God as to how He works. How can we make such a claim?

But it doesn't mean we stop seeking! It doesn't mean we give up on trying to figure things out! In fact, I would argue that our very life depends on knowing the God we serve. The way we live is affected by our worldview. If we see the world as helpless, we will live hopeless lives. If we see the world as only a holding place for eternal life, we won't accomplish much in our lifetime. To name a couple examples.

I once applied for a youth ministry position in the midwest, and they told me about their worldview. I think they were trying to see if I was in their camp or not. I responded that if God is Calvinist, I will tell as many people I know about Jesus because I want to be in on God's plan to find those He has predetermined. If He is Arminian, I will tell as many people I know about Jesus because I want to give them the opportunity to choose Christ and the salvation He offers.

But I guess God didn't fore-ordain me to get that job. (Insert rimshot.)

Our very prayer lives are affected. When we petition on behalf of someone through prayer, but believe in a God who will only do His way all the time, how will we pray?

Prayer is throughout Scripture with various answers recorded. Could the purpose of prayer be beyond just getting something for ourselves or for someone else? Could it be that God wants a relationship with us, and simply loves when we converse with Him?

How would that affect your prayer life?

The company I will be working for for the next two years (at least) entered financial crisis last year. As a staff, they decided to pray and fast for three days. By the time they returned, all financial problems had been done away with. I wrote in my journal, "I want to be on a team that is willing to shut down their doors for three days in order to pray and fast. In order to hear from the Lord."

Like I said, the main point is we need to pray. Our reasons for prayer need to probably change. The way we view our prayers being answered might need to be altered. Ultimately, we need to pray (and do many other things) as a way to know our God more. It affects the way we live.