I hate traffic

I have a friend that's very intuitive. She noticed that I haven't been writing in my blog lately. That's saying a lot, as it's not even been a week. Yet, when I leave for the field, I want to be sure that I'm consistent so that it will not be too difficult of a transition. Plus, I read this great book, or rather the introduction to a great book, that talked about the reason that we write things down. It has a lot to do with defining how you're feeling, but then also lashing out on paper versus a person.

And don't you worry, I have a separate, secret notebook for the lashing out thing. I won't talk through my frustrations about folk on this.

What? I'm a youth worker, not a saint.

I will bring up the main thing that's been on my mind this week. It goes back to a topic I always have on the back burner. The concept is camp ministry. The short term, the, how can you make a difference in someone's life slash how can you expect a difference in your life after only a week, thing.

Because I'm babysitting these kids this week, and most of it just doesn't feel right. It's so difficult to watch kids react with violence. I wonder if it's the only way they can get attention. Or I wonder if fighting is all they know to get their way (which for the record, doesn't work with me).

Then there are other things I see, such as the standard of living for these guys. I wish they had a father. I wish that they had a working fridge and dishwasher. I washed the dishes by hand today, which isn't the issue. It's that they had to be washed after they came out of the dishwasher. So maybe they don't need a dishwasher? I've seen that work before.

Yet, there's another rub. All the t.v.! I wish they had more than one board game (we've already played that!), and more group games that didn't require a video console. But it's too hot to play outside (when one of them has asthma). They have this Nerf sword.. haha.. the concept of a Nerf sword has boggled my mind this whole week. The thing doesn't cut, but can sure hurt if you wield it correctly.

The tv shows are all about boys and girls liking each other. I guess I get that when you're in middle school (which even then is too young), but these kids haven't even left elementary school! Why do certain kids have to grow up too fast?

All this to say that I only have a week. Now, I only have 10 hours left. We've spent some time at the library, but I'm the one doing most of the reading. I did get to talk through the punishment of timeout with one of the kids. And I got to explain the story of Zaccheus with another. Little gems, which I know matter, but still are so small.

It's like that metaphor of fixing a stab wound to the heart with a bandaid. It tries to cover up the much bigger problem at hand. Namely, that someone is gonna die.

What do I do???