External processor moment

I find Anberlin to be therapeutic. Almost all of Anberlin's stuff just makes me sing at the top of my lungs again. Kind of like the kid on the link my dad posted on my facebook wall this morning.

In other news, I had a dream. I had a dream that I was back at my first church, but there was a new youth pastor who had parked the church van close to the south side entrance. On his way to moving the vehicle, a motorcyclist rammed into the bumper and sped off. Not to be taken advantage of, the van then sped out of the parking spot and raced to catch up with the guy. When he pulled out, I realized that one whole side of the van was already in shambles (beaten in, holes everywhere).

Then, because he was in such a hurry, he ran into the curb, which caused the front hub cap to shoot off, and the front bumper to come loose. The van was then t-boned by another vehicle, and the motorcycle slid on its own error just a little further ahead in the lot.

It was pure mayhem, and I'm pretty sure that I was just jaw-dropped at the situation. I woke up not too long after the incident.

To be fair, we just had our second evening of demolition night for youth group. Demolition night usually involves destroying fruit and plastic bottles of condiments with a tree trunk for a mallet, but other things are added to the fun. For instance, the potato/apple gun. It was my first time to shoot one of those which I just found funny. First hoe down--Nevada. First potato gun--Colorado. You have let me down, Texas.

Then there's putting fire to things that we've demolished. For Fusion, it was a washing machine that we took a few whacks at with the sledge hammer.

For High Point, we tagged and destroyed a car. Maybe it was my images of this poor, innocent Camry being demolished by high school students that led to my dream. Maybe..

But remember my blog about failure? I was also feeling that. It came as soon as High Point started for some reason. I wasn't really wanting to help out, especially when it came to cleaning up afterward. Participating during was also not in my list of things I wanted to do. I don't know why.

It's with this lens that I think the dream was a non-example. Back in high school when I played volleyball, our coach would give us a demonstration on a certain thing we were supposed to do. If she messed up, however, she would just say, "Oh, that was a non-example."

And this crashing and burning dream is a non-example of how I want to end my time at 4Cs. I don't want to end in chaos. I don't want to end with tearing things apart. I want to build up. I want to encourage. I want to pass on the work as 2 Timothy 2:2 says so beautifully. Simple.

I think maybe I'm scared of the ending too. When I woke I just had to pray for forgiveness and strength. I thought of a verse I've read recently in Proverbs that says to not boast about tomorrow, for we do not even know what comes. Oh how thankful of grace and mercy I've become!

To come full circle:

I can finally breathe.

Suddenly alive.

I can finally move.

The world feels revived.