What have I done?

As I mentioned, I chatted a little bit with my aunt Melonia. She was a missionary in Guatemala for two years, so it was cool to hear some of her stories about living in Central America at about the same age that I will be when I live in Argentina. (It is also interesting to note that she had done a short term mission trip in Latvia, while I had done three-ish weeks in Russia--two countries that coincide culturally.)

"Make sure when you get there you take all your pictures right away," she mentioned. Everything sort of loses its charm after awhile. It becomes normal.

She then warned me about the feeling of uncertainty. There's the culture shock mixed with excitement that comes with a new place, but then there's the failed expectations. You don't always realize you have expectations for a place, and it's important to at least have some for wherever you go and whatever you do. But sometimes, things don't pan out the way you wanted.

You ask yourself, "Have I done the right thing?"

"Did I make a mistake?"

Interestingly enough, I had talked just the day before with my mom about what it was like for her and dad to move overseas. Both of them were so excited for the opportunity, but it quickly settled in that maybe this wasn't the best plan after all. My mom said she reminded herself that "This too shall pass," and the worry eventually wore off.

I had felt the same about going to Northwestern. That fall was a major struggle internally, especially after becoming close with people in Texas during my last year in high school. My friendships with them would never be the same, but I have no regrets about choosing Northwestern. Every time I look back at all that I learned there, even with the baggage known as student loans, I think, "That was worth it."

I can't say I had the mindset of "This too shall pass." I think that I just remembered that while my earthly father was 1,000 miles away, my heavenly Father was right there with me. He had shown me some cool things too, in the new friendships I'd made. I have to wonder though, had I not had those friendships, would I still have depended on the relationship with God?

And then I had had the same feelings with going to Colorado. My intentions were to go to seminary in Denver, but when I got here I realized I liked being out of school (and still do), so maybe a few more years of experience might do me well. To be honest with myself though, it probably took 6 months to a year of being in Colorado before I truly felt like it was the right decision. Sure, the outer appearance of things were great--I still love mountains, I love my host families, I love working with the youth group (and learning from my co-workers). But I still questioned.

It's okay to question. God likes questions. He likes it when we're in constant conversation with Him about what we're doing on this earth. That's what makes Jesus so great--He values the relationship with us.

Sometimes He doesn't answer our questions the way we want either. He shows us something different though, usually infinitely better than we imagined. I can't describe it to you, because it's something that you have to experience. Kind of like that blind man who said, "Look, all I know is I once was blind but now I see." Now what to do with that sight...

Maybe part of the answer is that He's much more concerned with the relationship with us than our physical location. Nonetheless, we need to remember (one of my favorite words) that new places will bring on new feelings and new experiences quite foreign from what we're used to. Any time we are out of our comfort zone, we experience stress. If we aren't able to give that stress over to the Lord, then we will certainly wallow in fear. John 16:33 puts it best:

"In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!"

(emphasis added)