wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

The title is not suggesting that I have a new found fascination with World of Warcraft (sorry mom, Josh and Matt). This word (if you can call it that) is all I can think to say right now.

I just got off the phone with Helen..

Wait, let me back up further so that I can include some pictures.

Wednesday was the big day. I've been accepted to work in Argentina! Exclamation points times a million really. And on Wednesday I got to go to Hope House with a few teenagers where we cleaned up the kids room. I was encouraged by the zeal of the students.

Thursday was also cool because I had a fantastic lunch with Melissa. I made Orange chicken:We chatted about some of the decisions she's made post-Powderburn, and I'm delighted that I get to be praying for her as she continues in those decisions!

That night was beautiful, as Flatirons Church hosted a prom for folks with disabilities. Again, our students helped out by doing hair and makeup for these gorgeous gals:Here's Christine working on Emily's hair. Emily liked to make fun of me as I was dancing in the coffee shop. She called me crazy, but I couldn't help but smile and think, "I'll become even more undignified than this!" Below we have Reyna doing her fine work:
Seriously, look at how amazing Reyna had done Elsa's hair!
Below is Kira. As soon as Kendra walked in, Kira was eager to show off her beautiful dress (Janelle also did a great job on her hair). It was too cute to miss the photo opportunity!As if that wasn't enough, I stayed after with a couple students to read the Bible. We talked about the transfiguration which led us to talking about the amazing life and witness of Elijah. We prayed for boldness for each other as we continued our weeks, trying to seek where/how God wanted to use us in the places we are. (Some people call that, "Bloom where you're planted")

Then came Friday. A free Chick Fil A chicken biscuit + conversation with Allison. Duh! Awesome. Followed by reading and texting friends to tell them the great news of where I am going, followed by an incredible heart to heart over the Bible with Rachel. Could it get better?

Only with a small dose of soccer. We lost, but I didn't get hurt AND I didn't catch the ball :) I was so energized from the day, but knew that Saturday was coming..

Talked with the Lauren and Kathryn and it was simply refreshing to hear about what's going on in their lives. Oh wait, there's more.

A three hour lunch with Chelsea, who just got back from a YWAM in Australia/Fiji/New Zealand. What a joy to get to hear her stories and how God really moved in her during the summer time on the other side of the world!

Went to the library to pick up my Argentina book/movie holds. That's right, I rented Evita. DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA!!!! Mark, Kendra and I pretty much laughed most of the time. I mean, I appreciated it because the story of Juan and Eva Peron is important to the Argentinian people. The story just isn't told very well in this film, in my opinion. I am fascinated by her life, as I've read about her more in the other books I've borrowed.

Any way, then came Sunday. Another great day with the GROW class. The point that stuck with me was this: sometimes when you make a decision (as in, important life type decision) it's not so much a matter of choosing rightly or wrongly, as it is realizing what God wants to teach you within that choice. As Emeril would say, "Bam!"

Next, a bunch of my church family congratulated me. Oh! Before I got to church I asked God to have someone come to me and ask if they could support me. Totally happened!!! How crazy is that?!?

Then I went to the mall so I could buy this:
Keehee. I bought the Spaniard version, aka Castillian, because Argentina is known to be heavily influenced by Italian. I have a 6 month money back/trade-in guarantee if I happen to change my mind. Looking forward to studying!

Came home to talk with one of my best guy friends from college. I was encouraged to hear what's going on for him, as well as to know how to pray for him. I think that's the best part of learning to and actually support raising--it gives you an excuse to reconnect with some people and to hear how God is moving in their lives!

Which brings me to Helen. My relationship with Helen was short lived at school, but every time we did hang out, it was a gift. And today, conversing with my dear sister was again a blessing. That girl asked to pray for me! Might I say too, I've decided I really want a man (Lord willing) who prays like her!

Phew. It feels like life is going a million miles an hour. Necesito descansar...

Thank you, Jesus!

Inspiration

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Un dia a la vez

The song pops up to my mind again. I had no idea that it was played at my great-grandmother's funeral until my dad had commented on that.

Point being, I got a thank you card in the mail today. You may remember the post about death? The note is from Marci and she had wonderful news. She wrote, "My daughter went from a young woman that the ER doctors did not give much of a chance of survival to almost 100% recovery in the last 2 and a half weeks. We are so grateful to God and to His praying church for giving her back to us."

She also wrote that her son and son in law came home safely from Haiti. They have stories of heartache, but also great stories of victory.

And God is good!!!!!!!!!

I like big buts

Now that I have your attention.. hehe. Well actually, there was a funny banter about Luke Danes' butt in Gilmore Girls. I was watching a couple episodes today to see if they had any scratches on the discs, and that scene came up. Really, Lorelai and Sookie were just trying to make Luke feel uncomfortable.

Neither here nor there..

I was blessed to sit and listen to Judi Peterson this past weekend. She joined the 12th grade girls' small group one evening during Powderburn. Amidst the 2ish hour conversation, something so simple from what she had spoken seemed to stir in my head more than everything else.

You know when something bad happens, and we say, "But God is good"? Like when you hear someone say, "I have been diagnosed with cancer, but God is good." Or maybe it comes switched around. "I know that God is good, but I have been diagnosed with cancer."

Judi talked about how when we use that "but", we're really suggesting that something about God is not good or loving.

What we're really saying is, "I know God is good, but He's really not by the fact that I now have cancer." "Where did He go when my dad died?" Or, "How can He say He loves me when my heart is broken?!"

We're using the wrong conjunction. We're modifying the truth of God's goodness by our complaints, thus subtracting from His lovingkindness. She talked about the story of Job, where he and his friends were essentially trying to find the cause for Job's suffering. When God responds in the end, there is evidence that maybe God isn't so cause-and-effect as we are prone to think. Remembering something I had recently learned, Western thinking is highly influenced by Greek philosophy--logic defines a lot of what we do and how we do it.

But God (ironic) responds differently to Job by asking him loaded questions. Read here.

The right conjunction is "and." We may not understand what happens; we may not understand most circumstances in life. And God is good. We may even cope with this terminology more easily than say a woman dying of AIDS on the other side of the world. I could not imagine being able to say "and God is good" in that moment. Nonetheless, it is true.

It is not right that she has to suffer. And it is important to note that the suffering comes from a broken and sinful world, not from our Lord. This is where a good "but" could be used:

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. BUT because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:1-5)

Let's throw in one more since it's so good.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. BUT God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8)

These buts are different because they are speaking of our former nature God salvaged us from. The present sufferings believers go through doesn't always have to do with who we were as much as who we are going to be. May we now say, "Here is what we're going through, and I know God is good."

The drive home

I realize I should have included my bobblehead Jesus in this photo. Oh well. Here's a view of the beginning of a very long journey of lots and lots of snow. This Texan had no idea she'd ever drive through this kind of weather! There was even a good 15-20min stretch of whiteout, where visibility was limited to just a few cars in front of me!

At a moment of traffic standstill, I took a photo of myself--conqueror of snow driving, work crew member of Powderburn 2010!! And well, I also was bored since all of my fellow riders were asleep (as can be seen with Allison in the background).

Praise the Lord that we got home safe. All credit definitely goes to Him!

εκβαλλω

If you tarry till your ready,
You will never come at all.

Last night was Ash Wednesday and I've decided that similar to the Maundy Thursday service, I want to make sure I celebrate both days for the rest of my life. Certainly, I want to be careful to not make them merely traditional events, but to enjoy them as simple reminders of my need to surrender my life over to Jesus. To me, it's similar to Valentine's day. I love that holiday! People look at me funny when I say that, but I simply say that "Yes, I want to be able to love someone every day of the year, but it's nice to have a reminder to show that love. And it's nice to have another excuse to spoil the person you love too!"

Perhaps that's why God had set aside so many days of celebration for the Hebrew people in the Old Testament. Oh wait, that's exactly why He did so. So they would remember!!

But onward to the main point. The lyrics above come from a song we sang at the Ash Wednesday service, and I couldn't help but think about the fact that I'm leaving in August. At last week's conference, we talked about the fairly famous verse:

"Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
(Matthew 9:38)

The teacher that morning pointed out that the verb for "send out" in the greek is εκβαλλω, which happens to have a very forceful meaning. I remember this verb βαλλω being used a lot in my days of translating the battle scenes in Homer's Illiad. It means to throw, or cast out (the εκ is where we get the "out." It's also in the noun for the church that literally translates "called out"). In fact, we see the same verb used just a few verses earlier in participle form when Jesus casts out a demon.

So why this strong phrase being translated as "send out"? Doesn't it seem a little odd? Send out seems so pleasant, as if to say, "Aww shucks, Jesus is calling you to go to a new place and share the gospel! Here's a flannel board to help you out."

It sounds easy.

Until we read the next chapter that is a speech from Jesus to his 12 disciples and is full of caution and wisdom. The journey they were about to embark on would assuredly be difficult!

The teacher at the conference had pointed out these verses:

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it." (Matthew 12:43-45)

εκβαλλω here is translated as comes out. The teacher explained that the evil spirit was looking for rest, a condition only capable in its original inhabitance. Much like those who leave the comforts of their homes to go to a place perhaps much less desirable for the sake of the gospel. A place more arid, if you will.

To which I ask myself, "Am I ready for that sort of casting out?" In an earlier post, I mentioned the many things I'm looking forward to if and when I go, but you can bet there's a longer list of things that I'm afraid of. The lyrics come back to me.

If you tarry till your ready,
You will never come at all.

Never in my lifetime will I have all my ducks in a row. There is always the next thing, whatever "thing" may be (sin issue, doubts to overcome, character change, location, etc. etc.). As keeps coming up over and over again, "It's about the journey and not the destination." Seriously, I think I've used that line about a dozen times in the past few weeks.

I was encouraged by a co-worker the other day who told me, "Wait a minute, you're single and you're taking advantage of it?"

I thought about how it would have been nice to make sure all of my debt is paid off, or to maybe even have a family started before I went so I wouldn't have to go alone. Then I remembered that I'd never be going alone.

"Yes!" I said then. And I say now.

Random pizza night

The way it works is you send the students out into the neighborhood. They need to ask for pizza toppings (and some sort of sauce) that are anti-traditional to pizza. When they return, pile on the goodies, bake, and dig in!
Ketchup is the sauce, hershey's candy bar, m&m's, mushrooms (I let that slide when it's mixed with the rest), air heads (the green goo), dry noodles and it's accompanying dry alfredo sauce. Yummy!!

But it was hardly the worst! These two show you how awesome junior highers are, or at least how crazy they can be. At any rate, I was proud of 'em!

In fact, this very video is why I will miss this group a lot.

Music to check out

On the way home from the Nelsons tonight, I caught a glimpse of a pretty soulful and Christ-centered band called newworldson. They played a song off of an album coming out next week called Rocky Road. Solid my friends, solid.

Also, one of the days at the conference this past week featured a Brit named Godfrey Birtill.

Then there's Trevor Hall, that Janna had recommend.

Any way, just felt like sharing the wealth. Think I'll journal in something non-electronic tonight. Peace.

Story time

Hmm.. apparently I have another blog post entitled story time. I don't remember it, and I'm too excited to share a few short stories to figure out where it is. So there :P

Special note: names/places are not included for most of these events for the safety of those involved. All of the following events, nevertheless, are true.

There is a difference
Nepal has long been known as a Hindu kingdom. The monarchy has been ruled by a Hindu believer, and so the people recognized him as a god. In response, certain people prayed that Nepal would transform into a Christian nation.

As an answer to prayer, the king was overthrown, and now Nepal is run by a secular government. The backlash to this however, was the bombing of several Christian churches by Hindu radicals upset by the change in power.

One of the leaders of the bombing of a church was caught and thrown in prison. Soon, as there is often very little to do in that type of setting, the radical leader started attending the Christian fellowship that was offered at the prison. In time, he came to a point of saying how much of a difference there must be between the gods he believes in and the God this group believed in.

"I have been in prison over 8 months and the people whose friends I am responsible for murdering have visited me almost weekly. None of the people from my group have come to visit me," he had said. "Your God must be a good one."

I want to know it first
In a crowded van, she whispered to the driver because she didn't want anyone to hear. "I watched the video about Jesus," she said. "I believe him."

The driver nearly swerved from excitement, but maintained at least an external appearance of being calm. The girl continued, "I want to study the Bible, but I do not have one. Do you think you can get one for me?"

"Yes of course I can," the driver responded, hardly able to hide her joy.

"But I can not tell the others yet," the girl whispered.

The driver thought that this had to do with safety, so she nodded in agreement. The girl said, "I want to know all about Jesus first, before the rest of my tribe."

The driver found this to be funny, but did not express it. She gave the girl the Bible and soon after the rest of the tribe would also hear the story of Jesus and believe.

-----

Months later, the girl was attending university and the professor was talking about the story of Abraham. He was admitting that he did not know the story very well though, because he had never read the Bible. Another asked about the story of Adam and Eve. Again, the professor didn't know.

The girl raised her hand. In the middle of 600 students, the girl was allowed to share the story of God's people!!

Before I go..
I'll admit that there is much more, but I want to brag about someone right now. His name is Roger, and he's a behind-the-scenes kind of guy at the conference I just attended. After having prepared a majority of the meals and having been involved in cleanup, he even drove me and a couple others to the airport this morning. I heard him at one point praying for all of us: for our safety, for clarity in our decisions, and for divine appointments on our way home. He's so cool!

And sure enough, my first flight included sitting next to an older woman named شاهين. Blame wikipedia if that's misspelled. But it's pronounced Shaheen, and it means falcon. Quite beautiful.

She's from Pakistan, and we immediately got to talking (her initiation, not mine). I learned that even my own name is a great starting point for spiritual conversations with Muslims. After all, the Arabic version of my name refers to the writings and commands of various prophets. For instance, Mohammed has a sharia that people are to follow. The sharia is the "way" or "path" for living a good life.

She showed me some of her special texts that she carries with her all the time--prayers of Mohammed and a booklet with 1000 different ways to do good things to help you earn points in heaven. Shaheen tried to explain to me that she believes that Jesus was a prophet too, and that I most likely follow Jesus' sharia.

I explained to her that what I believe would not categorize Jesus as just a man or prophet. I simply stated that the Bible mentions more than once that Jesus is God.

"Oh no no no," she quickly retorted about my comment that Jesus died and rose again. "We believe that Allah had taken Jesus up before he even died on the cross." She said that another body was there in his place.

Ah-ha moment. I'm going to say now that I was not trying to convert this woman. And I wasn't about to argue with her. In the history of evangelists who argue or yell with the people who disagree with them, I have never seen a single disciple.

I did say that what I liked about Jesus' sharia is that we don't have to do good works to earn points for heaven. His death covers all the bad things we've done, and now we just try to live like He did.

"Very interesting," she commented.

We then both took naps.

My nap actually consisted of me praying hard core for Shaheen's eyes to see the truth of the holy book known as the Bible. She had even talked about how the Qu'ran points to the Bible, so I prayed (and am praying) that very soon she'll have a chance to read and see the truth of God's Word for herself. I also prayed for her to dream of Jesus, because I have come to understand how much Islam culture depends on dreams. The main prophet Mohammed was inspired through dreams and visions. Christians should bank on dreams more too, in my opinion, if they were to take seriously the story of Jesus' birth alone. Just saying.

The end of the trip also went well, as we talked about family and future plans. I felt the best way to honor Shaheen though, was to serve her as best as I could during our short trip together in little ways. I will continue to pray for her though, because our God answers prayer in mightier ways than we can imagine!

Processing...

I can hardly express how much has happened this past week. I talked with my parents for just under an hour and a half today and could hardly cover everything (in fact, I had to cut the conversation short quickly due to moving on to the next thing).

I will say a few things. First, I'm loving that the Olympics are starting up tonight, and that I'm being reminded of the world all the more. We've prayed a lot for the world this week. Ooh! We also went to Centennial park in Atlanta for part of the conference.

Next, I think I will devote a future blogisode to what Matthew 9:38 now means to me. So stay tuned.

There is nothing quite like being surrounded by people who love God and want to serve the world. I'm guarding my heart to not be hyped by the feelings of those surrounding me. Instead, I'm depending on lots and lots and lots of prayer, counsel, affirmation from friends and the Word, and a few feelings (I must admit that it's really exciting when you get confirming dreams in there too!). I'm awaiting the green light to one of two (maybe three) countries for the next two years. It's supposed to come next week. Ah!!

Praise the Lord for the many stories to share from this week. Hopefully they will be stories to encourage you as well. It's just that I still have some processing to do, so you will have to wait a wee bit longer (can you tell I've been hanging out with a couple Brits?).

Peace to you. Prayers are welcome, and I would love to pray for you too, if you let me know how!

If I had Twitter

This is what it might have looked like yesterday:

8:43am Greg makes delicious breakfast for me. Yolanda gives a great hug. Both pray for my trip.

8:47am On the way to DIA with Kendra. Whoop!

9:35am US girls Olympic hockey team standing in security line in front of me. All are much shorter than I expected.

9:42am My books outweigh my clothes!

10:35am Delays from de-icing. Praying the next flight is delayed so that I have more time with my girls.

10:37am Just realized I'm in Economy Plus. Yay for more leg room!

10:55am Short nap. Realized the "Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock" BBT episode was playing on the screen. I'll stay awake for this.

12:08pm I'll spend the last hour of the flight reading "Applied Economics." Did I really renew this at the library yesterday?

TIME CHANGE!!

2:06pm Called Ariel and Janna--they're waiting at baggage claim 6!

2:17pm Booking it through the terminal thanks to moving sidewalks. <--for Sara

2:22pm Running hug to Ariel and Sara.

2:26pm "Janna's always late--" running hug to Janna.

2:34pm Invisible table will suit the 4 of us. And a green tea for me :)

3:09pm I'm having such a wonderful time. I wish I didn't have to leave soon.

3:18pm Goodbye hugs. "We should talk more often--call me." Running joke that I'll call at the top of the escalator.

3:20pm I cal at the top of the escalator. "No but seriously, my plane is delayed by an hour." Janna can stay for another half-ish hour, the other two have to go.

3:36pm Sweet hand dryers, Batman!

4:09pm Tribute to fetal position (long standing inside joke between Janna and me).

4:27pm Uh-oh. I took too long. Nice couple lets me cut in line.

4:54pm Boarding a much smaller plane than expected. And I'm burning up from running to the gate. Never had to do that before.

4:58pm Just discreetly reapplied deodorant. Is that awkward?

5:21pm Thanks to the window seat I can see the Ba'hai Temple. Hi Northwestern!

TIME CHANGE!!!

6:50pm Crossword, sudoku, trivia riddles to pass the time.

7:50pm Exiting the labyrinth of the airport. My flight was delayed an hour so I hope I have a ride.

8:26pm Found Ride. Need Wendy's. Doesn't accept my gift card? Lame.

8:43pm Riding to Tyrone! With cute couple talking about how they met through the company.

9:26pm Rooms are nice. Each girl has a great story of why they're here. God, You tell magnificent stories!!

11:46pm "Do you have a man story?" LOL.

Ok, wow

Sometimes life is just crazy.

Like, I just did the math (wow, did I just start that sentence with "Like"? How valley girl of me), and I've made 43 dollars off of selling 7 books I'll never read again through Amazon. My friend just gave me two boxes of books that she says I can sell and keep the money. This is encouraging considering I might be needing to raise a lot of money for a two-year trip coming up.

Holy smokes. Two years!!! How exciting!!

Holy smokes times two as the pierogi I just ate at the Polish/Czech restaurant this afternoon was crazy delicious! My stomach is thanking me.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm leaving TOMORROW to figure out if overseas is the place for me. I'm getting to see three of my best college friends in the meantime. I just talked to two others today on the phone (each of them had super good news too!)!

Wow. Just wow. And this is hardly the half of it!

A song that works well for this occasion and that I'm going to try to learn how to play:

Un dia a la vez, mi Cristo, es lo que pido de ti
Dame la fuerza para vivir un dia a la vez
Ayer ya paso, mi Cristo, y manana quizas no vendra
Ayudame hoy, yo quiero vivir un dia a la vez.

Where is your heart?

I had a great discussion with a friend the other night about the parable of the sower. If you care to read it first before going on, click here.

We talked about the different hearts where the seed (the Word of God) is sown. "Only a good sower would sow in good soil," someone had pointed out to my friend.

Which made me think of another conversation I had heard about, which is hard to explain. Basically, a guy was struggling with whether or not he should invest in someone's life. He was saying that the person had no hope for change. As though to say, "Why bother?"

So what are the different hearts like?

• The Path: the heart that doesn't even accept the Word because it is stolen by the evil one.
  
• Rocky Places: the heart that is excited about the good news, but then dies because it did not take firm root.
  
• Thorns: the heart that is choked by the worries of this world, so much so that it can not even grow.
  
• Good Soil: the heart that understands the nature of the good news (that it is irresistible) and thus spreads the news to others.
  

The point of a seed is to grow.

We have often looked to these as a one time thing. The Word of God enters the heart, and immediately it is snatched or sprung up, or choked or grown. We have forgotten that someone often hears the gospel at least 7 times before it means anything to the person.

Perhaps this suggests that we can have a different heart at any moment in time. Remember that there is an enemy who will do all he can to prevent the seed from taking root.

And what of those who are called to plant the seed in a parking lot? We thought of the 1 Corinthians verses that talked about Paul who planted, Apollos who watered, but only God who could make the seed grow. Maybe we are meant to turn the parking lot into fertile soil.

It would take time.

Perhaps we will never see a seed take root. Perhaps it seems as though the person will never change. It does not mean we don't stop spreading seed.

I think of my own stubborn heart, because you see, I feel like the good news is constantly shared with us even past the first conversion experience. The Word of God is described to us as a double-edged sword, dividing joints and marrow. Dividing soul and spirit.

As believers, we are moved by the Word, and sometimes we allow Satan to snatch it up before it can take root in our lives and lead to change. Sometimes we read about loving our enemies, or building others up with our words, but we crowd our hearts with other messages so that we do not follow the true one. We set goals for ourselves that in the short term work great, but again, they are just the outer appearance of a need for deeper and true conviction (not always the case).

And then we have a moment of clarity. We realize that being like Jesus is the better way. In small steps, we come closer and closer to being like Him in our world. We then affect others--30, 60 and 100 times.

A good sower will not play favorites.

Hello.. my name is Inigo Montoya

So I go to watch Sophie and Barry play some ping-pong, having just completed a game of Killer Uno. Sophie seems to be quite proud of the fact that she's winning. I'm proud of her too I might add. She's telling me the score and Barry gives a distraught face. An "I-can't-believe-it" kind of face.

I feel the need to mention that Barry, as I decided just last evening, reminds me of an old college friend. I had just told him this too. I said, "Barry, you remind me so much of this guy named Drew that I went to college with."

"Is that a good thing?" he asked.

I told him that Drew is currently a missionary in ________. Let's just say that Barry LOVES this. Barry has a heart for ministry that's so exciting, and I can't wait to hear about where it leads. And so he grins from ear to ear.

But at this moment, if you'll remember, Barry looks disappointed. Almost ashamed that he's losing. Until he says--

"Oh but Sophie!!!! I forgot to tell you..."

..he switches the ping-pong paddle from one hand to the other..

"I'm not left-handed!!"

I busted out laughing! And it only expounded when with the next serve, Barry crushes it past Sophie. Any PB fan would be proud!

Oh so fickle

In high school, I had a friend who called herself the most fickle person she knew. And you would watch her as she was unable to decide which boy she really liked from one moment to the next. I remember English class about that same year talking about how the moon in literature was almost always a symbol of femininity, because of how much it changes (though I wonder if another 28 day cycle might have something to do with it! I just went there..). Fickle and females seem to go together.

Then what is (most-handsome) Zachary Quinto doing at the beginning of this entry?

My host mom is actually quite sick of the flip-floppiness of Sylar's character on the NBC show Heroes. This week's episode featured him and Peter trapped inside a nightmare. So you can understand the tension without having watched the show--Sylar is the murderer of Peter's brother. Peter needs Sylar's superpower to save his friend Emma. It's okay if you're confused.

The takeaway is both characters need out. Also fascinating: Sylar desperately wants to change.

Sylar's fate was revealed to him a few episodes back. He is afraid that while he has all these superpowers, he will ultimately live a lonely life. Having thought more about this reality, he sought the help of another character to help him erase his ability to use the powers. Maybe if he just got rid of everything, he would be better.

Kind of sounds like you and me, huh? Sometimes we think that if we just got rid of something, we would be better for it. More specifically, giving up on eating sweets. Or maybe you've thought about throwing away the movies/cds/etc. that had bad lyrics or bad scenes. However you may define bad.

A week later you realize you're still craving that scoop of ice cream. A month later you re-buy the song on iTunes. Obviously, there's something more important than just giving something up (which perhaps this is a great pre-Lent moment), as there is an unhealthy spirit inside of us that needs changing or destruction, not just the external manifestation of that spirit. Enter form of fickleness number one.

Sylar had been trapped long before Peter joined him. Apparently, he had tried all he could to get out, but to no avail. "Maybe I deserve this, for all I've done," he later told Peter.

We do that too. Give up. Think that maybe this rut we're stuck in (sin or other problems) is our fault and that's final. We doubt. We hide. We have moments of wanting the freedom we've read about in the Bible, but then we go and do the stupid thing again. Over and over, cycle after fickle cycle. Number two.

And this isn't the only time Sylar has wanted freedom from the dark side (don't you love how all nerdy metaphors go together?). Last season had a beautiful moment where he chose to show grace to a character even though she had used and abused him previously. Two episodes later, he killed her. I mean, I didn't like her much any way so it was okay.

JUST KIDDING!

It can be annoying to watch Sylar not pick a side. Or it can be comforting.

Comforting?

As I remember how imperfect I am, how much I change my thoughts on how I feel about certain happenings in my life (or even color; I never know my favorite color), it's nice to watch art reflect life. Part of what makes a character so interesting is the fact that he or she is dynamic and round. Not static and flat. Remember these terms from high school English? Part of what makes our life so interesting is when we make changes in our lives.

While I know that Sylar's changes might also come from poor writing, or simply the need to keep the show going, I still loved the moment where he said he wasn't that guy anymore. He isn't the killer, he's the hero.

I'm reminded of last night's sermon that used the story of the woman who washes Jesus' feet as told in Luke 7. Jesus knew exactly who she was, all that she had done. He knew that she would probably even mess up again later. Christ says to her, and I imagine it is with such gentleness, "You're faith has saved you. Go in peace."

It's okay, He tells us. Let my love be enough for you, He whispers in our ear.

I love you.

Do we hear it? Do we need the repetition like with Matt Damon's character in Good Will Hunting?

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault..

Jesus knows your heart. He knows it all.

I love you, He says.

Go in peace.

It's okay that we're fickle because we have so much we're trying to figure out. I pray you don't get trapped in the lies though. May you rest in truth. May you have people in your life to remind you of that truth. May you pursue positive change that starts with what's inside of you, and not just what shows up on the outside.