New Year's Resolutions

To begin with, a documentation of the completion of certain resolutions from 2009.

Goal: to read 10 books
Accomplished: 18 + .5 of 2 other books

1. Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
2. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
3. Watchmen by Alan Moore
   
4. Youth Culture 101 by Walt Mueller
5. The Screwtape Letters (finally) by C.S. Lewis
6. That Incredible Christian by A.W. Tozer
7. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
   
8. Crazy Love by Francis Chan
9. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
10. Red Son by Mark Millar
    
11. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen
    
12. Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne
13. The Importance of Being Foolish by Brennan Manning
14. The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
15. Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell
16. Plan B by Ann Lamott
    
17. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
18. Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell
    
19. half of The Lexus and the Olive Tree by Thomas Friedman
20. half of Sindbad and Other Stories from Arabian Nights translated by Husain Haddaway

Goal: to save up and hopefully buy a saxophone
Accomplishment: bought a sax through craigslist, and have been studying/practicing for the past 5 months. See other blog for more details.

Goal: to give away a lot of stuff
Accomplishment: this seems to have turned out pretty well, although I can give, and could have given, a lot more. God has blessed me with so much, and I'm working to have a heart that remembers that nothing is mine in the first place.

Goal: run for a consecutive 2 hours
Accomplishment: got to a point of running for an hour and 20 minutes. I'll have to retry this one!

Goal: pay off second highest loan
Accomplishment: paid off one small loan, as well as second most costly loan that has the highest interest rate. Monthly loan payments have been reduced by 50%!

Goal: travel to Russia
Accomplishment: took part in a two-week mission trip to Moscow, Krasnodar and Maikop.

Which reminds me.. places I've visited in 2009:

1. Chicago, IL (twice)
2. Pheonix and Tuscon, AZ
3. aforementioned cities in the Russian Federation
4. San Francisco and Walnut Creek, CA
5. Minneapolis and White Bear Lake, MN
6. Knoxville, TN
7. Los Angeles and Calabassas, CA
8. Grapevine, TX
9. Detroit and Shelby Township, MI
10. Frankfurt, Berlin, Nuremberg, Memmingen, Fussen, and Munich, Germany (by plane, by train, and by automobile!)
    
11. Zurich, Engelberg, and Luzern, Switzerland

Never in my lifetime did I think that I would have gotten to travel this much to Europe, especially by this age. There are more international trips ahead, Lord willing!

Now to report on this coming year's resolutions.

Goal 1: to read 20 books
Goal 2: to advance to book 3 for the saxophone, and hopefully have a private lessons teacher
Goal 3: to pay off one of my 2 smaller loans by June
Goal 4: to become proficient in another foreign language
Goal 5: to run for a consecutive hour and a half
Goal 6: to get rid of even more stuff that I don't need, or that others could use more than I
Goal 7: as most recently inspired by Rob Bell's book (see the list above), to be the eucharist

I don't mean to write these out to make you think any more of me. I am not what I do, or what I have done. I am simply who God has created me to be--his daughter.

..And there are other goals, but I prefer to keep them personal. I'm excited for this coming year, even if it turns out to be harder than the last. In all things, God is good.

Travel commentary

Man.. jet lag sleep is the best, because when you're out. You're out.

It's so cool to see all this stuff, but you can't take it with you. Unless you write about it.

When you don't travel with a group (like a set of 10 or 20 folks), you get to do what you want.

Sometimes it's more fun to talk to the people than to see the sights.

Plan to spend more than you want, but remember that it's always worth it as you don't know when you'll be back.

I'm really thankful that planes are becoming more environmentally friendly. I was thinking about the many planes I've flown this year--discussed this with Liz--and that's quite a lot of fuel in the atmosphere.

You don't get the full experience unless you eat some of the food of the area. If the menu would normally make you gag in America, remember that the country you're in actually knows how to make it (i.e. baba ganoush).

Who you travel with can make all the difference.

Staying in hostels = adventure. Staying in hotels = more sleep. Staying at a friend's house = best of all.

The return voyage

The ten or so hour journey has come to an end. We woke up with the sun, and thankfully met no long waits at the Frankfurt airport. However, there was some confusion with the tickets, and that had to do with me thinking we were flying United when it was really Lufthansa. woops.

I decided to read and watch movies in intervals to pass the time. Kendra and I ended up not sitting together, but I wasn't much for talking any way. So I read about Ali Baba and the 40 thieves, watched a hindi movie, read part of the story of 'Ala al-Din, watched Julie and Julia, read a little more, watched The Time Traveller's Wife..

Chatted a little with my neighbor named Amanda about literature. Turns out she is a grad student who did her thesis on Homer's The Illiad. Right up my alley thanks to my minor.

Then one final flight from DFW to Denver--trust me I would've called if it weren't such a short layover. Finished the story of 'Ala al-Din, which by the way is NOTHING like the movie. Lexie picked us up (!!!) and we got to chat about the trip as well as boot camp experiences. So great to see her!

When I returned home, I realized that I didn't have the key to the house, so I just went to the Ahnold's next door. But my absolute favorite part was when the Sonnenbergs came back (Noah had fencing practice), and Noah came running over to give me a big hug. "I missed you Sharayah!" he said, and it made me feel all warm inside. It's cool to have a little brother. I'm glad too, that I could share some of my Swiss chocolate I had bought in the Frankfurt airport with him.

But my favorite duty-free purchase is shown at the top. keehee.

Goodnight.

Show off

So another cool incentive to our lift passes included free tubing down a slalom halfway up the mountain. Kendra and I hit it up on our second day in the Alps, where we learned that not only can you tube (and trains are most fun, I must add ;), but you can ride other various plastic toys. I don't know how to describe them, so I guess I must include a picture: The best was the one my pops is holding. I went so fast and so far on that sucker! And yet, I also enjoyed the horses Kendra and I are sitting on, as they are hilarious when you fall off of them.

The video includes our new American friend Connor who went down the hill we really wanted to go down (we weren't allowed because it was deemed too dangerous. psh). I was so jealous of this guy and his pal Brian, whose job it is to make the slalom, and then to test out all the snow toys to make sure we can hit the best speed possible. They get paid for this? Oh yeah, and when they're done for the day they get to snowboard longer than the rest of the people who are there. AND.. they get free room and board. I suppose there are perks to being an engineer.

Hallelujah

Last week, we made a stop by the Konzerthaus Berlin to enjoy the performance of Handel's Messiah by the Academy of Old Music (a literal translation) Berlin orchestra. It was performed in English, although the German translation was included in the program.

We got all dressed up for the event, although you can't really see it in the picture. Let's just say I was wearing sparkly shoes, and that some Italian guy said "Kiss me please!" in the train station. (Don't worry, I gave a defiant "No!" but did chat with him and his friends briefly before boarding our train.)

The music was breath-taking due to the combination of the piano forte, the choir, the stringed instruments (especially the cello!) and the different soloists. I was a little caught off guard though, when the alto turned out to be a man.

More importantly, what I loved about this was that the lyrics are straight from Scripture. Here, in this somewhat God-less country, hundreds were listening to truth about Jesus being the Messiah we all need. It is also why I write about it this morning, because we celebrate this Christmas day as representative of when He first came into this world to save us!

So, after a brief nap in the middle of the music (what can I say? It was very relaxing music!), I spent some time in prayer for the people who filled the hall, hoping that some of the truth would pierce their hearts and that their world would never be the same..

Here's a view of the beautiful concert house and organ:

And here is approximately where we sat. They weren't the best seats in the house, but they got the job done. It was a concert I will never forget!

Baah-Ram-Ewe

The background to this story is that in America, we say "Mee-ow" for the sound of the cat. In Russia, it is simply "Mew." And I heard more than once my interpreter give a couple short "Mew"s to the kittens on the streets in Maikop. You could call it adorable.

It is interesting to think about the sounds of animals that we teach our children. I've recently learned that Deutchland's sound for the sheep is not "Baah" but "Maah." So there I was, enjoying the Christmaskindlmarkt in Memmingen, and I got a little distracted by the actual sound of the sheep just chillin by the nativity scene. I like the sound this one made the best!

Lasagna

Can't help but offer this quick little story amidst the many on my Germanic adventure:

We exited the half-carnival, half-Christmaskindlmart during our first night in Berlin. We're crossing the street. A woman in front of us is escorting her two daughters across, holding their hands. One of the girls looks rejectedly at the cone in her hand. It wasn't for ice cream though, as we soon figured out.

The woman turns to us and spits out a sentence or two quickly in her native tongue. I look dumbfounded, I'm sure. "English?" She pauses a moment.

"Would you like these? My daughter says they are no good."

Not exactly the best selling pitch, but I'm usually game for anything. The woman hands over the small cardboard cone to us. The contents are hidden under a couple foldings.

"What is it?" I ask.

She struggles, the woman, to come up with the right word. "L... lasagna."

"REALLY?" I squeal, more in disbelief than excitement.

She nods enthusiastically. Can one resist lasagna in this sort of packaging?

Turns out it's roasted chestnuts. They were quite tasty.

The surprise

Well, as it turns out, a few of you figured out my secret. Not that it was hard to figure out, but most people don't look into things the way you do. And you know who you are. :P

The point is, I've been learning the saxophone these past few months and Christmas Spectacular, the annual youth group talent show (that rocks in every way), was my first chance to perform. I've always been a fan of ska music, so Justin tabbed out Five Iron Frenzy's version of the Rich Mullins classic, You Gotta Get Up. Below is our performance. It's not amazing, and you can definitely hear the parts where we're a little flat. However, I was more happy that I got to play at all. It has been so fun learning the instrument. In fact, if you want to read more of my chronicles of saxophon-ing, just click here. Enjoy!

I would also like to comment on the Spectacular. First of all, boy bands are always funny. I don't know who decided that, but in the end it means that Barry, Michael, Stefan and Tony were hilarious. Next, Bethany was better than Macaulay Culkin. And I'm so proud of Susie for being crazy during the poetry slam. Great work Marcus on the piano; it's crazy to me that you're only in 7th grade. Or 8th. Either way..

There is much more I can say, but I think I'm going to finish packing now. And then maybe continue the Bourne series. I can never get enough of Matt Damon. keehee.

I just feel like saying

This adventure is worth every moment. It's funny, how eager I am to write a New Year's blog, and yet have to wait a couple weeks before I can technically write it (especially considering two of this past year's resolutions are coming to their fruition/completion either tomorrow or in the final weeks of the year--vague much?). Indeed, hard to explain. Hard to make a coherent sentence. Perhaps you were still able to follow?

Nonetheless, in 36 hours I will be boarding a plane in order to see friends and family. Two friends who got to witness the (I can only imagine) BEAUTIFUL wedding of Jon and Siobhan that took place today. I prayed for them so much throughout this day. And family, I'm already refreshed at the thought of seeing mom and dad again. AND!!! I get to do all this while traveling with Kendra. I am somewhere between the line of blessed and spoiled.

On a side note, Yolanda and I successfully disturbed Greg's mojo in Rummikub tonight. :P

Heart and Mind pt 2

I guess the first thing that came to mind about a decision that didn't consider the emotions was the Crusades. But we talked about something else, and it hit me close to home.

Our study leader talked about how the Bible is repetitive about taking care of the orphans and widows. "Now, it can clearly be taken from Scripture that I should go start an orphanage, but that may not be something I'm passionate about," he had said.

Ironically, I have considered taking a month or two to volunteer at an orphanage in the Philippines. But truly, that's not my passion, even though I know that I would enjoy the time doing that. I can see why too, one of my friends had a hard time when she volunteered at one in South America.

For me, it seems, well... who else is going to do it? And yet, Christ has also placed in my heart a different passion. A passion that is just as equally Biblical as working at an orphanage.

So in English, matching the logic of the Biblical mandate for one's life (often found by distinguishing your spiritual gift) with what God has placed inside your heart, the emotion, to do.

This is part of why I love youth ministry, because students are constantly trying to figure out what they are going to do, and where that will be. It's so important to remind them that you don't have to figure it out right away. Circumstances are constantly in flux. Usually though, passions remain.

Any way, again, back to work stuff. Just wanted to type these thoughts down for now. Hopefully I'll get around to a few more before I head out.

P.S. be on the look out for a surprise!!!

Heart and mind

So in the GROW class, we talked about the act of discernment, and started off by defining the word (a necessary custom).

dis cern ment: the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.

The definition alone helps clear some things up. For instance, it's not discernment when there is a direct revelation from God. If He says, "Go into the city and you will be told what to do" (See Acts 9), then there was nothing to discern. Or maybe you're given a choice, like where to take a job, and you don't have a sense of God's leading you. That's not discernment either. Our study leader explained that it's like your dad on your birthday, and he offers to cook either hot dogs or burgers--whichever you prefer. Neither is necessarily better than the other.

Sometimes too, the choice we are to make is clear, but we don't want to make the Godly choice. It was mentioned that if Samson (the strongest man), David (the man after God's heart) and Solomon (the wisest man) all chose wrongly, don't think that we are immune. We're just as human.

Discernment has to do with a few things:

• Deepening our faith; we make a decision without all the information. Note that the "lamp unto our feet" is not a spotlight down the path again.
• Learning about ourselves. Learning about our emotions (boy do I understand this one!), or are intentions, etc.
• Building a relationship of trust. "God is not a dispatcher of answers from a faraway office, but an up-close-and-personal being who wants to converse back and forth with us. God is relentlessly relational, inviting us into an interactive life so that discernment and decision making are fleshed out within ongoing nudges within our everyday life with God."*
• Learning to recognize the voice of our Shepherd, despite the constant talking of other influences.

We focused on the final bullet, and mentioned that there isn't a formula. Not the formula word again! But it's interesting how so many people have written so many books on how to hear God's voice, or our friends just tell us to pray about it and God will show us the way (mmhmm.. guilty as charged). We expect that if there are all sorts of other things in this world that use a formula (fixing a car, shoveling snow, and so on), then we should be able to relate to God in such a manner. Until of course, we remember that we can't relate to people formulaically, much less God.**

Why? Because we are emotional beings. Logic is important, but it can not stand alone.

The Christian spiritual heritage takes emotion very seriously, particularly the interplay between mind and heart. Our emotions define our experience and give weight to our convictions. They give meaning to our lives. They reflect our fundamental values. By its very nature, an internal response to the inner witness of the Spirit of God requires that we develop the capacity to be attentive to what is happening to us emotionally.***

Remember Jesus' emotions of anger in the temple, and weeping at Lazarus' tomb. Remember that when we pray, we bring our whole selves to the conversation--our emotions and circumstances. You can't just throw emotion out the door in times of decisions, just as you can't throw logic out the door either. They work together, but I would say it is most critical to talk about how much more emotion has been left to the wayside in our decision-making processes.

I'm off to take a test for something for my future. Please pray for me. I'll write more later.

* Johnson, Jan. "Discernment Within a Conversational Life." Conversations: A Forum for Authentic Transformation.
** Spiritual disciplines are about setting up an environment for God to work in our lives, but doing them does not mean that He will give us an answer we are looking for. I often find we never find what we're looking for, but He shows us something better.
*** Smith, Gordon T. The Voice of Jesus.

Gingerbread homes

This past Friday, I got to share in the family tradition of building gingerbread houses. The Sonnenbergs (featuring Greg and Yolanda, and sister of Greg, Bert along with her adorable granddaughter Debria) usually buy a pre-made home and then spend an evening decorating. The adults worked on the house you see in the picture above.
C.J. (Debria's brother) and Noah got very creative with their rooftop. I personally love the word joy on there! As you can see too, C.J. enjoyed more than just putting together the little house. hehe.
It's okay though, because I definitely liked eating a few of the "bushes" aka minty gummy pieces you see at the bottom side to the left. It was great to do some crafty stuff, as well as laugh together with the family. A lovely tradition!

Oooh.. big doggie!!

Who remembers the scene in The Sandlot, where the dog escapes and starts running all around the town? The dog is chasing Benny, and at one point they're at the local swimming pool. A little kid shrieks, "Look mommy!! A doggie!" The dog comes closer. "Ooooh.. big doggie!" he says, right as mother scoops him to safety.

This scene came to mind when talking with a student about God. She was reading a certain book of the Bible and admitted to not liking it.

"Why not?" I had asked.

Well.. because.. Because God just seems so angry!"

"Is He justified in his anger?"

"Well, yeah. But.."

I recently finished the book of Exodus. While visions of the Easter classic The Ten Commandments danced in my head, I couldn't help but notice how much the film misses the mark of the real story. Then again, how can you ever capture the magnitude of God's power with a sound stage? Answer: you can't.

The most fascinating part to me was when Moses and God are chatting on the top of the mountain. God is passing down the rules for His people. These rules would establish the Israelites as His, just as the Constitution is what establishes us as Americans (sorry Canadians). God is writing out the plans for the royal line of priesthood, as well as how His temporary dwelling place is to be built. But in the midst of this conversation, something is a-brewing at base camp.

The Israelites, once again, have gotten restless, and decide to make their own god. Why would they pick a wimpy calf of all animals, beats me, but that's what they did. They then spend time in worship to this idol, and "indulge in revelry"--I'll leave that for your interpretation. God knows what's happening, and stops the conversation with Moses to say that He's angry. "Let me just destroy them real quick," He says. "Then we can start from scratch."

Moses pleads, "Don't do that God! Then all the Egyptians will make fun of you. They'll say that you brought them out of Egypt just to kill them. That wouldn't look too good. Besides, remember all of those promises you made to my great-great-great-great-grandfathers?"

So God relented.

Next, Moses goes down the mountain with the laws and regulations in hand. When he sees for himself all that the Israelites are doing, he follows it up with what I call a Hulk-like anger. All the work put into the tablets with the rules, gone, as Moses throws them to the ground and they shatter. He races to the golden calf and burns it. And if that weren't enough, he grinds the idol to dust, puts it in the water and makes the Israelites drink it. Sounds like a good hazing experience if you ask me.

He calls the people who still desire God to come to him. Turns out most of these guys are from the tribe of Levi, which God had decided would be the members of the royal priesthood that I had mentioned earlier (He knows what He's doing, eh?). Then Moses has all of these guys take a sword and go throughout the camp and destroy the Israelites--brothers and friends and neighbors. Three thousand are killed.

And this is where The Sandlot scene came to mind. "Look mommy! It's Moses!!.. Oooh! Angry Moses!!!"
I am captivated by how Moses experiences a God-like anger here. The very anger he pleaded with God not to show, he shows himself. To me, this is proof of how close the relationship was between Moses and God. The same heartbreak over sin God experienced, Moses experienced.

Maybe that's why it's so hard to accept the anger God shows in other parts of the Bible; because we have a long way to go. The wrath of God is justified by our sin. We deserve death. We deserve separation from God because of all that we've done (which, when we search our minds and hearts, we know is a lot!). The doggie is much bigger than we imagined. And as we come closer to a holy God, we recognize again how wretched we truly are.

It's like we forget the darkness of Good Friday. I'm not God, but I can imagine that the separation Jesus experienced on the cross and in the tomb those three days was not a fun experience. Not by a long shot. But that's what it took to satisfy the wrath of God towards the world's sin. It would take the blood (gross) of Jesus to cover us, before God could even look at us again.

While it is good, even great, to focus on how much God loves us, perhaps we also need a dose of understanding God's wrath toward sin. After all, even Peter in the beginning of Acts, preaches about the fact that YOU, with the help of wicked men, were the ones who killed Jesus. If you're offended by that, I don't know what to tell you except that it's true.

That's why this guy named Isaiah, who being in the presence of the holy God, had to immediate confess his sin. God can't stand the sight of it!

The next verses after Moses' anger burns against the people are very hard to swallow:

"The LORD said to Moses, 'Leave this place. You and the people you brought out of Egypt... But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people, and I might destroy you on the way.'" (Exodus 33:1, 3b)

First of all, while we had previously spent chapters on the rules that would set the Israelites apart, now we see God disowning them. The rules usually ended with something along the lines of, "You do this so that you will be my people, so that I will be your God." But what God is saying feels like divorce. He can't even go with them. What Moses had done was weak sauce compared to what God might do.

How does THAT make you feel?

If it doesn't sit right with you, I'd ask you to pray about it. Maybe in your own life, you've been getting away with sin that was the very hammer and nail to Jesus' death. Remember that our God does not take sin lightly, but Satan will do all he can to make it appear so!

Early celebration

Tonight, the first of December, was the Fusion Christmas party. It was a blast I tell you. We met at the Bartel's house, and played various games, enjoyed plenty of hilarity as well as delicious snacks!Here was perhaps the highlight of the night. That is, the snowman making contest featuring Mestro, Barry and Kelsey. I loved how they were willing to be goofy for the junior high-ers. Seriously, moments I will not forget.

Say hi to Mestro:

Brian read to us a little story at the end of the evening (only leaders were left by this time). Listen to the strange words:

And for kicks, I wanted to show off my current host home. It's not a high quality picture, but I was cold--I was more keen on getting indoors. I just really like the "Joy" sign because it truly is a joyful season of remembering Jesus Christ's birth!