Live in the tension of the question

Sundays continue to be my favorite days. Usually they include Sunday afternoon naps, though recently not as often. What they have typically been for me as of late, are challenging. I start with the GROW class, then go to High Impact and end with Merge. I am thus engulfed in solid teaching which requires me to think and live differently. I love it, but it doesn't stop it from being hard.

Not to mention too, I got to watch two of our students' hockey games yesterday (is that the right placement for the apostrophe?), which were so entertaining! Go Marcus and go Kyle!

So let's begin with GROW. The title was "Obstacles of Awareness--Destructive Doubt." As I've mentioned before, we are discussing what it means to be more aware of God's presence in our daily lives. Sometimes, doubt can get in the way of that.

Now, doubt isn't completely a bad thing. We called doubt a human problem due to our inability to have perfect knowledge. Only God is all-knowing, and since we are not God, we could never know everything with 100% certainty. Doubt is helpful, as my host mom explained, when it pushes us forward. It becomes a problem when we just shove it under the rug and choose not to deal with it. To choose to remain in comfortable ignorance (is it really that comfortable?). When working through doubts, similar to what I had mentioned before with arguments, one has the chance to figure out whether they're in the relationship with God for real or for their own personal gain.

First let's get some of the misconceptions concerning Christian doubt out of the way:

1. Christian doubt is uncommon. (Amen and amen)
   
2. True believers never experience doubt. Doubt is not the opposite of faith, but it does affect faith.
   
3. Christian doubt is always bad. (See previous paragraph again, and then continue)
   

We looked to the complaints of the Israelites in the desert in Numbers 20:1-5. Our Bible study leader pointed out that the mentality had become, "God what have you done for me lately?" Let us remember that the Israelites were in the desert for about 37 years now (only 3 more to go, right?). God had provided for them so far, but now they were thirsty, and restless.

Some of the ways we talked about finding the antidote for doubt was to look at the evidence. It made me think of whether the US went to the moon or not. After having taken a class about every Apollo mission (as well as the Mercury missions before that) to the moon, after studying moon rocks in comparison to Earth rocks, after watching hours of video and reading over a thousand pages of personal accounts.. I am convinced that Neil Armstrong walked upon the surface of the moon. The same should be said of the Israelites. After being delivered from the Egyptians with more stuff than they had ever had, after walking on dry land through the Red Sea, after manna and quail, you would think that they could trust the Lord to provide for them. In fact, reading the rest of that small section in Numbers is worth mulling over.

Can the same be said of our own lives? For me, after seeing God restore familial relationships even after things like infidelity and murder, after He provided (and continues to provide) finances and friendships, after seeing people healed, after witnessing miracles, after seeing the desires in my own heart change from the natural worldly desires, how could I not continue to put my trust in Him?

And even if he doesn't provide? He is still God. As I think back to my time at EBF, I will always remember the phrase, "We know that our reward is God, and that is enough." Also, read this before moving on, paying close attention to verse 18.

All this to say, when we come to the point where we are demanding God to do something for us now, then that is a problem. We were reminded that even when people had doubts in the Bible, God rarely gives a direct answer. Sometimes He takes lots of time before providing one. Often, the main thing is to keep our eyes on Him. Take this quote:

The quest for meaning can be extremely frustrating at times even excruciating, precisely because it does not lead to ready answers, but to new questions.*

And this one:

Sometimes in living the questions, answers are found. More often, as our questions and issues are tested and mature in [our] solitude [with God], the questions simply dissolve...God does not solve [all] our problems or answer all our questions, but [he] leads us closer to the mystery of our own existence where all questions cease.**

There are three types of doubt. Factual doubt, or not believing certain facts about God (such as Jesus Christ's existence), is combatted by seeking truth in study and teaching. We are to seek with an open heart and trust in the Holy Spirit to help verify truth. Emotional doubt, or doubting based on feelings, is to be combatted with behavior change. We looked to C.S. Lewis' example of trusting in the power of anesthetics, but that at the time of the anesthetics being administered, he experienced childish panic. "While our reason appears to be ever so logical, requiring evidence, a little dose of feelings effectively topples the castle." We can also combat our nervous feelings about whether God is really who He says He is with Scripture. And finally, volitional doubt, or making a choice to simply not accept evidence, is combatted with choosing God and taking our thoughts captive.

What I liked most about this class was the acceptance of doubt. I was encouraged to affirm my searching and probing of the Lord, because in the end the Holy Spirit is more than capable to provide the answers, or sometimes more questions, that we need. This quote covers it well:

Painful questions must be raised, faced and lived. This means we must constantly avoid the temptation of offering or accepting simple answers, to be defenders of God, the Church, tradition, or whatever we feel called to define...The best guides are willing to be silent, yet present, and are comfortable with unknowing. God's Spirit is ultimately the sole source of spiritual guidance, comfort, and knowing.***

This is what it means to live in the tension of the question. Unlike humans, He can handle our doubts. It is better then, when we don't just let the doubts sit, but work through them. We can be more honest with others, as well as ourselves--we don't really know, but we won't let that stop us!

* Guiness, Oz. In Two Minds: the Dilemma of Doubt and How to Resolve It, quoted in Dealing with Doubt.
** Reasonable Faith
*** Dealing with Doubt